


The Friends We Made Along the Way

by redcursive



Series: Hermit!Tommy AU [2]
Category: Dream SMP - Fandom, Hermitcraft
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Dreamons, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Found Family, Gen, Healing, Hurt/Comfort, Sleepy Bois Inc as Family, set after tommy's exile
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-22
Updated: 2020-12-26
Packaged: 2021-03-10 23:07:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 30
Words: 35,816
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28235151
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/redcursive/pseuds/redcursive
Summary: A tale of Tommy's experiences with the hermits, be they healing, silly, sad, or anything in between. A chronicle of most relevant asks from my tumblr.
Relationships: Tommyinnit & Tubbo, Tommyinnit & literally every hermit
Series: Hermit!Tommy AU [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2068224
Comments: 218
Kudos: 1415
Collections: Purrsonal Picks





	1. The Beginning

amanda-519 asked redorich: Hermit!Tommy idea: the literally first thing he built on the server was a tower. Tommy builds towers where ever he goes on the dream smp server. In l'manberg, pogtopia, and even outside of Techno's house. When a hermit vists Tommy while he's building his tower he expects to be made fun of, told to take it down, that it's too ugly. No one on the dream smp liked his towers. Instead, on the hermitcraft server, his towers are praised. Later he finds shulker boxes full of materials for his tower.

\---

He doesn’t use the shulker boxes. They’re only giving them to him out of fucking pity and besides, they’ve all got useless shit like prismarine and bricks in them. Nope, all he wants is cobblestone. He sees the strain on their faces when they compliment his ugly tower, give gentle recommendations to make it look “even better”. He makes it uglier to spite them.

Months down the road, when he’s more stable and has learned that yes, these people are actually this nice for no discernible reason, he tears down the tower and rebuilds it. It wasn’t matching his cottage, that’s why he does it. Not because he wants to improve his builds, or impress his friends, or have Bdubs tell him he did a good job. Certainly not.

* * *

Hermit Tommy agrees to spar finally and everyone is super interested in seeing what his fighting style is as this will be the first time he’s fought a non mob. He immediately goes for a killing blow and misses. His sparing partner says “dude what the fuck?!” And Tommy says, “yeah, where I’m from. Sparing stops when someone respawns.” And he just keeps going for deadly shots with practiced precision and lightning speed until someone forces him to stop, just like Technoblade taught him. He even turns on the Hermit trying to stop him and laughs while swinging. -🐍

\---

Tommy doesn’t see the issue. Xisuma always lets people respawn, so why does it matter if he kills them in a spar? Only, when he goes after Iskall, Tommy gets yelled at. He doesn’t understand, he’s doing it right… right? This is how Technoblade always did it. But no, Stress is holding his arm back. She looks so disappointed. It cuts him deeper than any sword, even a crit. Of its own accord, Tommy’s axe turns to face Stress. It would be so easy to kill her, take a canon life…

She hugs him. He drops the weapon.

* * *

Anonymous asked redorich: hey, i havent watched hermit craft so i dont know much about the people, but how do you think a healing tommy would react to discs, or discs being given as a gift?

\---

It’s no secret that Tommy likes music discs– he bought a full set from Beef’s music store, just to leave them at his little bench in the shopping district for anyone to enjoy. But there’s a pass-it-on box going around, where the hermits make gifts for other hermits with the condition that they give a gift to someone else, and Mumbo knows that Tommy likes discs, so he just… fills a shulker box with them. Some of them are the original songs, the ones that drop when skeletons kill creepers. Some of the records are songs sung by Rendog, or a silly diss track by Wels, or Grian’s insane Mumbo-for-mayor jingle.

Tommy wholeheartedly tells him it’s the best gift he’s ever received. He’s still clutching the box, even after he came all the way to Mumbo’s base to thank him in person.

* * *

Anonymous asked redorich: So for the hermit!tommy au: When he first joined the server he got very nervous whenever a hermit held an axe around him. In the dream smp people normally fight with axes - but in hermitcraft swords signifies battle. It takes awhile for the hermits to realize why he's so uncomfortable, and a few are a little surprised that he's so used to battle that even axes set him off. Going off of that, when Tommy joined he was so used to any kind of confrontation to end in death that he was a little jumpy. Grian caught him off guard as he flew down next to him, so he instantly got his sword out. When he’s caught stealing for the first time he expects to lose to a canon life. Whenever someone would grab his shoulder he would flitch and step away. The Hermits learnt to keep their hands to themselves, keep their hands empty, and tommy learnt to trust them.

\---

Tommy gets caught stealing because really, False is digging the biggest fucking hole he’s ever seen and it goes all the way down to bedrock, so really she won’t even notice a few stacks of cobblestone missing. Except she does notice, because she saw him take them. He looks up from one of her many chests with the cobblestone in his arms and sees her standing not twenty feet away. He drops it all and pulls out his axe. It’s really scuffed and it’s only got, like, five durability on it, but it’s diamond and it’s enchanted so hopefully she won’t notice.

“You know, if you need some cobblestone I can give it to you. You didn’t have to steal.”

He winces. Yeah, he’s definitely getting his ass beat over this.

Except he doesn’t. She packs him a shulker box full of cobblestone and makes him promise to return the box when he’s done, and sends him on his merry way.

There’s a lot of little things about Tommy that paint a grim picture. He’s very stab-happy– Grian would know, he got stabbed for accidentally sneaking up on Tommy, who hasn’t quite yet trained himself to check the sky for enemies. Tommy apologized, and Grian lives pretty much solely off of golden carrots, so it was fine, but the fact that Tommy reflexively stabs people says bad things.

Obviously he gets fidgety whenever someone’s got their sword out. They can understand that. But an axe? According to False, axes do more damage than swords, which is news to many hermits, but why be afraid of them? They’re for chopping wood.

_ And disabling shields, _ False murmurs.

Scar is not present for this discussion. He has no clue that Tommy doesn’t like swords. He just knows that it’s his turn to watch the newbie, make sure Tommy doesn’t get into trouble, and Scar would like to use this as a chance for free labor. The two set out to a forest to cut down trees. Scar has no clue why Tommy tenses when he takes his enchanted netherite axe out, or why the kid seems so blown away by the idea that Scar would just give it to him. Tommy jokingly asks for “more free shit”, and Scar bemusedly tosses him some golden carrots. Tommy is silent for a while after that. Eventually, he remembers to say thank you.

The hermits are used to having plenty of what they need, and giving to others who have more need than they do. It’s revolutionary for Tommy. They’re so powerful, and they just… give him things. No one’s attacked him even once.

He doesn’t get it.

* * *

Anonymous asked redorich: Idea for the Tommy!Hermit AU, tommy's mind getting completely blown by all the large redstone farms and builds, which could remind mumbo of Grian when he first joined, or otherwise mumbo tries to teach Tommy.

(bonus: tommy is in complete disbelief when mumbo says "its really quite simple" about any build)

\---

Tommy spent two whole hours yesterday playing with Etho’s hopper clock. He does not want to fucking hear Mumbo saying that this bullshit circuit thing he made is “really quite simple” when Tommy has no clue what a monostable circuit is, or why Mumbo needs a piston to make it. Tommy does not care one whit about stable states saving input, or tick delay, or God forbid, subtract mode comparators. He just wants to watch the cool flying machine do its thing.

* * *

Anonymous asked: I think tumblr ate my ask so imma resend it? 1st off, apologizes for the amount of asks Ive been sending 😅 I just love this AU so much lmao. 2nd, I wanna ask if Tommy would get nightmares as a result from his trauma, and if it would get so bad to the point where it starts taking a toll on his health? If its true maybe the Hermits intervene & try to help him, and as a result Tommy starts revealing more about his past when he talks about what happens in them. Get this boy therapy and a nap xD -🦊

\---

He refuses to admit they’re nightmares. They’re just– bad dreams. He wakes up at four in the morning all alone in the little cottage he made, he runs his fingers down the smooth material of his elytra to assure himself that it’s real and he’s in Hermitcraft, not the Dream SMP. There’s no Ghostbur to snitch on him for not sleeping. No Dream to tell him what to do. He catches little naps when he can. It’s fine. 

It’s fine.

* * *

Anonymous asked redorich: also thinking about how any attempt at big cool builds on the dream smp tends to get griefed, pranked, or destroyed, since they tend to be the obvious targets if you want to hurt someone and aren’t up for killing pets,

\---

That’s actually part of why Tommy lives in a cottage instead of some giant palace! (Well, that and the fact that getting all those blocks, never mind  _ placing _ all those blocks, would be way more effort than he’d ever consider worth it.)

There was a rule when he first entered the Dream SMP, that griefing wasn’t allowed. Tommy figures that the longer the server goes on for, the less that rule is enforced, but according to Xisuma, the server’s been running for over eight years. Funny, that.

* * *

Anonymous asked redorich: What if when he first gets to Hermit craft and everyone is still gaining his trust, someone pulls out a shulker box and Tommy *gasps*. He says, “is that a shulker box?? I’ve only ever seen one of those!!” And he sounds so exciting and amazed even though the hermits each have like, a dozen. He goes on about how it was the single most fought over item in his whole server, as Dream said it is exempt from the rule of “if someone dies you can’t just take their shit”. The box is fair game. -🐍

\---

It’s the first time anyone sees him break character from the solemn man they know. Scar’s telling a story while Tommy stays silent, and thinks that perhaps Tommy would engage more if Scar brought out some props. So, he grabs a pink shulker box from his inventory and plops it down carelessly, rooting through it like a raccoon when he hears Tommy’s gasp.

Tommy’s fingers itch to steal it, to kill Scar and take it as his own. He doesn’t have the gear, though; he’s in all iron and only his helmet is enchanted. Instead, he settles for admiring it. “They come in different colors… I’ve only ever seen one shulker box before.”

“Oh really?” Scar says bemusedly. He’s got an idea.

“Yeah! It was a huge deal, Drista gave Punz a shulker box and  _ everyone _ tried to kill him for it. It was the only one on the whole server, and Punz wasn’t really supposed to have it in the first place, so Dream said that looting it from Punz’s corpse was allowed. Not that stealing stuff from people after they die is something we really care– cared about, but still.”

That’s… disturbing. Scar plucks a poppy off the ground, crushes it in his fingers, and lets the dye stain his hand while he uses his free one to go through his ender chest. “You were allowed to just… steal things? Like, things people might need?”

Tommy fidgets a bit, suddenly aware of the implied judgement. “It was every man for himself. If you needed something and you grinded to get it, they’d just steal it from you anyway. Easier to just wait for someone else to do the work for you.”

Not for the first time, Scar wonders just how young Tommy is. Sometimes, he sounds like a kid, even if he’s way too tall to be one. Scar pulls a newly created shulker box out of his ender chest– he was planning to restock his chest monster shop, but one less shulker isn’t much of a loss for him. He dyes it red with the crushed poppy petals, and even though he can’t see Tommy’s eyes behind the mask, the man’s envy radiates off of him.

“Here,” Scar says, and gives him the red shulker box.

Tommy starts, taking it quickly but regarding Scar warily. “What, I can keep this?”

“Yeah,” Scar smiles. “I went End busting last week, so I’ve got plenty of shulker shells. I can share.”

Tommy searches Scar’s face for any trace of pity. Even in the deep troughs of the scars that run along the man’s nose, across his jaw, through his eyebrow, he can’t find any.

What the hell is he supposed to think about this?


	2. Technoblade

Anonymous asked redorich: What if Tommy goes with the Hermits to watch one of Techno’s battles. When Techno wins as he always does, Tommy cheers on pure instinct, “that’s right!! My big brother never looses!!” And it comes it him so natural that he won’t realize he’s called Technoblade his brother until someone points it out

\---

Technoblade hears it, looks around wildly. The voices have never sounded like his dead brother before. Well, either of his dead brothers. But this one in particular. The audience is large, the lights are bright, he can’t make out who’s saying what or where they’re saying it.

Tommy hides his body behind Xisuma’s bulky armor, hides his face behind his mask, does not hide the mistake he made. False already knew. He trusts the hermits. They surround him as they leave, and Tommy catches one last glance at his tired oldest brother. The look on his face is similar to the one he wore when he– Tommy’s mind stutters. He breathes through it. Technoblade is making the same panicked, desperate expression he made when he killed Tubbo.

Tommy hates pity. he really,  _ really _ hates it. But for the first time in his life he pities his older brother.

False is a consistent MCC competitor. So is Technoblade. It’s not out of the ordinary for the two to have a passing pre-game interaction, and if she happens to hand the piglin man a letter from his not-so-dead brother? No one has to know.

Tommy’s learned how to heal. Now it’s time for him to teach others.

* * *

anonymous asked redorich: Another version- Tommy goes with the Hermits to MCC and Techno is there. He looms over everyone with an aura of rage. He says, “Tommy. Dream said you died.” And Tommy gets nervous and says softly, “he tried to.” And that’s all he needs to hear. He places a hand on Tommy’s shoulder and says, “don’t worry. I’ll kill that mother fucker for you. No one hurts my little brother.”

\---

Tommy’s deliberated about this for a very long time. He knows that if he attends an MCC event, even as a spectator and not a competitor, there is a high risk that someone will recognize him. He goes anyway. It’s worth it, to cheer on his friends. False will be there, as usual, as well as Grian and Ren.

He swaps out the mask Dream gave him for a plain red one, since his hermit friends are all on the red team. Wilbur’s old raggedy coat, which Tommy hasn’t been able to abandon, is exchanged for a nice brown cloak, stitched together by Cleo. Stress embroiders little flowers on the hem for him.

Did he fuck up? Tommy sees Dream immediately. The man looks tired. Tommy shies away from him, even though he’s across the lobby and wasn’t looking at him to begin with. The hermits try to shield him with their presences, but he’s a big boy. He’ll be fine on his own.

Grian notes that Tommy’s compass has stopped spinning. Tommy’s heart constricts. “I’m not ready for that, yet,” he says, and Grian doesn’t ask him what he’s not ready for.

The games go on. Dream’s team crushes at Dodgebolt, but the Hermits pull through and win second place overall. George slings his arm around Dream, and Technoblade smiles a bit when everyone cheers at his team’s win. It doesn’t matter. False is carrying Fruitberries on her shoulders, and Grian is carrying Ren. Tommy’s made flower crowns for them all. They aren’t golden winners’ crowns, but they do have golden dandelions in them.

Their smiles freeze, except for Fruitberries, who isn’t a hermit. Tommy looks behind him and sees his brother; the moment he speaks Techno will know it’s him, but Techno may already suspect.

“Can I talk to you? Alone?” Technoblade says.

It’s the softest Tommy’s ever heard him speak. There are emotions in his brother’s voice that aren’t rage or sarcasm. He nods, and the two leave the concerned hermits behind to speak in private.

“Dream said you died.” Techno’s shoulders are shaking.

Tommy takes off his mask and looks at the ground, anything to avoid meeting his brother’s eyes. “I tried to,” he murmurs.

All at once, warm arms are wrapped around him tight, fingers like cloven hooves thread through his hair. His shoulder is damp.

“Are you happy? With them?”

Tommy clutches his brother tighter. “I missed you.”

Techno pushes him back just far enough to look him in the eyes. “That’s not what I asked. Are you happy with them?”

Tommy blinks moisture from his lashes. “Yes.”

His hair gets one last ruffle from Techno before he withdraws. “I’m… glad you’re alive. You should go be with them.”

He’s a big boy. He’ll be fine. He breathes in, slow and deep, and grasps his brother’s hand with his own. “Come see me some time, yeah? And don’t trust Dream.”

“… I’ll be sure to do that.”

They shake on it. And if they both take a little longer to let go? That’s between them.

* * *

Anonymous asked redorich: How did the Hermits react to Technoblade showing up for the first time? How did Tommy react?

\---

There’s quite a bit of letter-writing, texting, and such. They need a date where Techno won’t be expected anywhere, and a date where nothing major is happening in the Hermitcraft server, and plenty of time to let people know that Tommy’s having a guest, and all sorts of other things.

Xisuma sets Techno up to spawn at Tommy’s base. The hermits are conflicted about Techno, best to keep them apart. The first twenty minutes are unbearably awkward, til Tommy finally gets bored of stilted small talk and starts bragging about all the cool shit he has, and the cool shit he’s made. Especially the secret underground drug lab. Techno’s entire first visit is just Tommy flexing on his older brother, and Techno enduring it with a sigh because at least the kid’s not fucking dead.


	3. The Nightmare

Anonymous asked redorich: A favorite trope of mine has always been- getting to see another person’s past. Is it some kind of judgment thing by a higher power? Something like Freeze Day from SCTFOE? Person trapped in a nightmare and their nightmare is being projected? Who knows. All that’s important is after months of healing, some of the Hermits get to see exactly what Tommy went through. It shows short clips of him before being happy, the rise and fall of Manburg, Wilbur going insane, the festival, the withers, all of it. Just short clips of these things though. The last clip of the SMP is just Dream’s mask outlined by his green hood saying, “you’ll stay here alone with just me until you learn to be quite and respectful and not fight those who are in power over you. Even if you have to stay out here *forever*.”

\---

The remaining hermits aren’t sure what happened. They have no way of knowing. There was a witch involved, Cub thinks, but what their fallen friends must have done to piss her off to the point of getting cursed is beyond their ken. Among those laid out are Cleo, Grian, Xisuma, Zedaph, and Tommy.

Scar and Cub work their Vex magic together to figure out that their friends are trapped in their worst memories. (Etho calls it a Demonic Hell Viewing Illusion, and False smacks him upside the head for the Naruto reference.) Holding hands with a victim pulls you in, but that’s what they’re counting on. Joe’s already wading through Cleo’s nightmare before anyone gets the chance to ask, and Impulse and Tango aren’t far behind doing the same for Zedaph. However, it doesn’t work for Grian, Xisuma, and Tommy; they were found already holding hands. They must have figured something out about the curse before they succumbed to it. All the hermits can do for them, for the time being, is hope.

Tommy, Grian, and Xisuma wake to the smell of sulphur and smoke. The ground is orange and littered with bullets. Grian grabs Tommy’s hand, and Xisuma grabs a discarded rifle. Tommy points his finger up at the top of a mound of scrap metal and dead bodies. There’s a nether portal, except the obsidian is whiter than quartz. That’s where they have to go to get out of here.

All around them, demons lurch and shriek and hiss and all sorts of unholy behavior, bodily flinging themselves at the trio as though they know none of them can take the men on their own, and that just by dogpiling them all one of them will get lucky. Xisuma instantly snaps into a professional mode, the way he sometimes does when he’s killing zombies but they keep social spawning. He takes up the lead with machine gun fire and grenades, carving a path through the crowd. Grian takes up the rear with a handgun. Neither Xisuma nor Tommy ask why Grian is so comfortable with a gun. They’ve got more pressing issues.

An imp gets lucky. It’s just enough to crack the visor of Xisuma’s helmet, and the imp instantly gets mowed down.

“I can’t see,” Xisuma rasps through gritted teeth.

“Then take the helmet off,” Tommy says, cleaving through an enemy with a sharp piece of scrap metal. Grian breathes in sharply. As far as Grian’s aware, Xisuma _always_ wears his helmet.

Xisuma goes quiet for a second. “I suppose you’ve got a point.”

The helmet gets dropped to the ground and demon limbs shuffle it away. They don’t have time to look at Xisuma’s wild brown hair, his purple eyes, the burn scars on his jaw.

They make it to the portal all in one piece. Xisuma takes one last wistful look at the Martian hellscape, then takes his friends’ hands. They step through the portal together.

—-

They step out of the portal into the foyer of a high school. Grian’s eyes shutter.

“We’ll be headed toward the roof, I believe,” he says, staring dully through the spectre of a broken, bloody man holding a rope.

Tommy latches onto Grian’s clammy hand to ground him as the three ascend stairs and traverse the dark, winding hallways. The ghost follows them. It isn’t like Ghostbur– it’s, well, not vengeful, but it’s not kind. The man named Gareth keens about Grian’s sins, about a boy named Taurtis who Gareth hates, about mafia and yakuza, about his poor wife Jane.

On the last set of stairs, Gareth makes a wailing remark that causes Grian to bodily flinch. Tommy doesn’t even know what the ghost said (he wasn’t listening).

“Fuck off,” Tommy says, “you’re the shittest ghost I’ve ever met. Even my brother could…”

He trails off. This is not the way to fix things for Grian. On a hunch, he reaches into his pocket. Of course the object he’s looking for is in there; it’s his brother’s coat.

He holds the object out to the ghost. “Have some blue.”

Gareth warily takes it, dropping his rope. It floods periwinkle, then cyan, then dark royal blue. A weight seems lifted from the ghost’s shoulders as he clutches the blue, mutters something about Jane, and leaves.

Tommy takes Grian’s hand, then Xisuma’s, and they go through the door to the school’s rooftop together. They halt as one. The portal is there. Standing between them is a boy maybe Tommy’s age, with a corpse at his feet.

“Sam,” Grian whispers. “ _Taurtis_.”

The standing boy smiles, eyes obscured by a purple mask with a rectangular symbol on it, and flexes bloody wings. The corpse on the ground has blood all over its back, where wings once were, and broken headphones around his neck.

“Man, Grian, you really held out on me,” Sam says. “This Watcher power really is something else–”

Sam topples over backward. His body hits the ground in front of the portal. Xisuma lowers his gun.

“He looked like bad news,” Xisuma says.

Grian grimaces. “He was. Come on, let’s go.”

They once again step into the portal.

—-

“Do you want to be a hero, Tommy?” Technoblade roars, _“Then die like one!”_

Their paltry little group of three gets no chance to take in their surroundings, to see what’s going on and where they need to go. All they can process is the legendary PvP champion, acolyte of the Blood God, Technoblade, unleashing Withers upon what once might have been a town.

Tommy yanks them into cover. “I don’t know where the portal is,” he hisses.

Grian squeezes his shoulder. “We’ll find it.”

Explosions rain hellfire down upon them from all angles– not just the Withers, but TNT buried in the ground. They’re so close, they can see the man who set it off. And he must have, because he’s yelling about it, yelling about _his L’Manberg_ and _his unfinished symphony_ and begging his father to kill him. He’s wearing Tommy’s coat–

Bile rises in the back of Grian’s throat. Tommy wears his brother’s coat.

Tommy’s eyes are glued to the gleaming diamond sword that Wilbur gives to his father. He watches his brother die all over again, and he knows where he must go. He turns his back on his broken family and breathes.

“We need to go to the Nether,” he says. They nod.

The black portal is across the battlefield. They come across corpses more than once on their way, but ignore them. They can’t afford not to.

In the Nether, there is a rickety, dangerous pathway with no rails, made of cobblestone and obsidian and oak logs. Manic-depressive ravings on signs proclaim the path as the road to Logstedshire. Piglins try to knock them off to no avail, and ghasts blow up the bridge behind them as they run. On the other side of the Logstedshire portal is… actually not a hellscape, as Grian and Xisuma have come to expect, but a little village encampment. Nothing is blown up, nothing is amiss, except Tommy himself. And, of course, the figure they spot after they catch Tommy staring at it.

It’s Dream. The up-and-coming famous speedrunner who Grian faintly recalls killing once in MCC, which was apparently a big deal. The man approaches, and Grian realizes where he recognizes the mask from. It’s the same one that Tommy wears.

“Tommy,” Dream says conversationally, “items in the pit.”

Tommy’s hand wavers, reaches up to unclasp his chestplate, but Xisuma’s hand on his shoulder stops him.

“No,” Tommy says.

“No?” Dream parrots incredulously. “You know the rules. It’s for your own good. Armor in the pit. Tools in the pit. Friends in the pit.”

They all gasp, though for different reasons. Tommy’s eyes narrow. “Friends in the pit? You’ve never said that one before.”

Dream’s head twitches. “Friends in the pit. Friends. In the pit.”

The man’s voice is deeper than Tommy remembers. Something seems to resolve within Dream’s behavior, yet he keeps twitching. “You’re in exile, Tommy, you don’t need. Friends. I’m all you need. You were doing so good. I thought you learned to behave. I’m all you need. You don’t need friends.”

What happened to the eloquent poison that used to drip from Dream’s tongue like honey? He sounds like a broken record. All at once, Tommy staggers under the weight of the realization that this isn’t Dream. Somewhere underneath that horrible man that abused him is the real Dream, trapped in his own body and watching the dreamon that possessed him hurt his friends.

Xisuma’s gun makes an appearance again, but Tommy holds up a hand in a silent request for the admin to hold his fire. Tommy grabs Dream by the shoulders, removes Dream’s mask and then his own so that he can look the man in the eyes. “I know you’re in there, Dream. When I get out of this nightmare, I’ll save you. I swear it on my discs.”

Dream’s face twitches erratically. The movement spreads to his whole head, neck jerking. He raises straight up into the air, higher and higher, then explodes into a shower of items and no body. A white portal shimmers into existence.

“What the hell was that?!” Grian demands.

Tommy grins, taking the man’s hand and leading him to the portal. “I’ve got a friend to save.”

Grian snarls. “Tommy, he _abused you._ He’s not your friend.”

“That wasn’t Dream. It was a–”

“Dreamon,” Xisuma breathes.

Tommy nods. They walk through the portal together, and when they wake, holding each other close, they know they’ve got a mission. They can do it.


	4. Intermission 1

iris-sanders-athena asked redorich: Just read through your Hermit Tommy au, great stuff! How would he react if someone replaced the prime log (as a prank, obviously they’d keep the real thing safe to give it back, but Tommy doesn’t know that)? Or if someone accidentally skinned it? I just can’t stop thinking about how Tommy would react, especially if it happened early in his healing arc haha

\--

If it’s early on in his healing arc, he’d keep The Log safe in his ender chest. The one he displays is a decoy. He just knows the hermits are eventually going to blow up all his things, once he makes enough progress that it’ll be sufficiently spirit-breaking when they bring him right back to starting from scratch.

* * *

Anonymous asked redorich: How do you think the hermits would react to the canon lives- like someone brings up the fact Tommy’s on his last life so he better be careful and the hermits are like whaaa because it never occurred to them that an admin would control how many respawns they get

\---

He’s accustomed enough to the idea of a cruel admin blocking respawns that he makes the joke that once you lose your last canon life you either become a ghost like his brother or you “become incredibly racist” (direct quote from his stream).

Tommy cannot wrap his head around infinite respawns, even when the death is meaningful, so Xisuma tries a different tactic. Tommy lost those canon lives in a different server, Xisuma reasons, so wouldn’t it make sense that his canon lives have reset in Hermitcraft? 

Then, every time Tommy asks if his most recent death was a canon one, Xisuma tells him no. Tommy gets more and more on edge, trying to figure out Xisuma’s criteria for a canon death, that he eventually blows his top and demands Xisuma tell him.

Xisuma levels with him. He’s wearing a helmet, and Tommy’s wearing a mask. It still feels like they’re making eye contact, uncomfortably so.

“Nothing qualifies as a canon death, Tommy,” he says. “I will  _ always _ let you respawn, even if I’m the one that killed you. Even if I’m mad at you. Even if you blew up my whole base. No matter what. You’re one of my hermits now. Why would I treat you any more harshly than them? I love all my people.”

* * *

Anonymous asked redorich: this may have been brought up or explained already but hermit!tommy never answering where his coat is from and why it has the hole and then ghostbur comes to visit, and maybe he gets very angry or something and suddenly he’s bleeding and wearing that coat and they know ghostbur’s tommys brother so suddenly everything makes a lot more sense and is also very sad

\---

I addressed this in the conjoined nightmare fic  [ here ](https://redorich.tumblr.com/post/637698371833954304/a-favorite-trope-of-mine-has-always-been-getting) , but it was addressed obliquely and sort of in passing, so…

The stitches on Tommy’s coat unravel. Cleo offers to help him fix them, or barring that, get a new jacket because that brown coat that Tommy wears has been on its last legs since before any of the hermits ever met him. He vehemently denies the offer of a new jacket. Cleo doesn’t take it to heart. Obviously, the raggedy coat has some sentimental value to the man.

Cleo carefully stitches up every jagged hem, every unravelling patch’s edge, the mends from sword slashes. Meanwhile, she’s set Tommy to work beside her, learning how to sew properly by stitching random scraps of fabric together.

Cleo’s fingers trace the worst of the rips. “What’s this one from?”

Tommy looks up, sees the tear in question, and– well, she’d say he blanches, but she can’t see his face behind that smiley mask. As it is, he goes very still, slumping just a teeny bit more.

“It was my brother’s coat,” Tommy says. “He got stabbed in it.”

Her fingers still on the rip, noting the discoloration. Bloodstains. She notes the past tense that Tommy uses in relation to his brother.

She swallows her condolences. Tommy won’t like them, and besides– she’s a zombie. She knows well, more than most, what a fatal wound looks like. Even forensically, by looking at the coat of a dead man, she can tell that the rip she’s mending is the one that killed Tommy’s brother.

* * *

ivorylin asked redorich: What about scars? Does Tommy have some, and if, where and what happens if the hermits see them? Is there quality bonding time with Grian/Scar/... about them, or does he not talk about it?

\---

Showing off your scars and telling their stories can be a fun way to pass the time. They did it in Pogtopia. Quackity has a bumpy scar on his ankle that he swears is from a cat, but Tommy remembers the time Quackity had a bit too much to drink and said it was actually from an attempt at naked rollerblading.

So, when the hermits are gathered around the campfire and Ren shows them all the wicked scar he has from “wrestling an alligator” and then Scar just has to one-up him by gesturing to his own face, Tommy gets what’s happening. Eager to elicit a laugh, he pulls up a sleeve and shows them the remnants of the time he was six and thought he could fly.

He knows how these people think. They don’t want to see the scars from fighting. That’s okay, he doesn’t want to show them. They’ll look sad and awkwardly laugh if he shows them the scar from where Techno stabbed him with a fork, or where Tubbo set him on fire that one time, because even if the story is funny to him, they wouldn’t like it. So he picks scars at random, ones he can’t even remember how he got, and makes shit up for them. He’s not ashamed of the marks on his skin, and at the end of the day, he’d rather make someone else laugh than be truthful.

* * *

Anonymous asked redorich: Hermit Tommy au but he has magic. Not anything super powerful but he can create small illusions. Sometimes he does it without meaning to, like making question marks appear around him when he confused or a ! When he’s spooked by something. He can even make people and on rare occasions while talking to someone about something from his past he makes an illusion of that person behind himself without realizing. He also sometimes projects his nightmares :3c -🐍

\---

Magic is powered by emotions and the one emotion Tommy has in abundance is fear. He hides away when he can’t control his magic at first, but the longer he spends with the hermits the less he has to fear. His illusions, now, are just a bit sad.

When Tommy sits on his bench in the shopping district, listening to Mellohi all alone, they see the wavering mirage of a young boy in a suit sitting next to Tommy. When he practices his guitar, the image of a tall man in a yellow sweater frowns every time Tommy plucks the wrong string or puts his finger on the wrong fret. When Tommy practices his fighting techniques, slashing and crushing thin air, they see red mist and “blood for the blood god”.

* * *

multiple-characters1-acct asked redorich: Reading the hermit Tommy au tag (love it btw even if I can't tell who made it.) Found the 'X, Grian, and Tommy confront nightmares' (I cannot spell the admin's name) and I have read it multiple times. I noticed you called Technoblade an Acolyte of the Blood God, does that mean you think the voices/chat are the actual Blood God or something else? That's what I like to think, and we/them probably figure out what happened to Tommy before Techno does.

\---

Hm. This is a tough one. I’d like to tentatively say that the chat is comprised of the voices of those who have fallen to the Blood God. And yes, the voices do figure it out before Techno does! But there’s so many of them, and most of them are idiots, so the smart ones get drowned out by “TUBBO IS GONE CRABRAVE” and “E”. That’s not even mentioning that the chat lies constantly. Even if Techno heard one of them say that Tommy isn’t dead, why would he believe them?


	5. Tubbo

prettykittylinn asked redorich: i am fed by positive attention so here is your warning i will probably not shut up now unless asked, anyways, how would hermit tommy react to interacting with tubbo? how would the hermits react as well with seeing them interact?

\---

Please  _ don’t _ shut up! Hermit!Tommy’s whole thing is that he is learning how to heal, how to be so much more than just a tool for violence. Part of that is helping others learn the same, even when he feels like he’s got a long way to go before he’s “okay”. He’s already been found out by Technoblade, had him over on Hermitcraft. Techno dwarfs Tommy’s tiny cottage just by virtue of standing in it, so Tommy shows him around, shows him all the things he’s learned.  _ Here’s the waterfall I made,  _ Tommy might say,  _ and see this garden? I did that too!  _ The two brothers sit on the little bench Tommy made in the shopping district, listen to Pigstep, and imagine simpler times. This server is so beautiful, Techno thinks. Is this what it’s like to live without war? He feels so inadequate as Tommy rambles about some-or-other building technique Bdubs showed him. All Techno knows is violence. But Tommy gives him a shulker box full of flowers and discs and neat shiny things like it’s nothing, like a single shulker box isn’t something worth killing and dying over, and Techno thinks that maybe it’s not too late for him to learn.

Techno delivers a letter to Tubbo. He has to be careful, Tommy’s hinted that something isn’t quite right with Dream but Techno doesn’t know what it is, and the worst enemy is the one you don’t know.

Tubbo cries when he reads the letter, dares to hug Technoblade and thank him profusely. Techno doesn’t ask what’s in it. He knows it’s from Tommy, and that’s enough to understand why Tubbo is crying. After months of believing that his best friend died alone in exile, Tubbo’s entitled to a few tears.

Next week, Techno doesn’t visit his brother. Instead, he covers for Tubbo’s disappearance.

The moment that Tubbo enters the Hermitcraft server, the very moment he lays eyes on Tommy, he wants nothing more than to hug his best friend half to death and never let go. He holds himself back. He knows better. Rather, he keeps his head down, watching spots of water appear on the ground at his feet despite the cloudless sky, and begs Tommy for something he can do to express his deep-seated regret, begs Tommy to tell Tubbo how he can ever forgive him.

Tommy wraps his arms around Tubbo. “I already have.”

* * *

Anonymous asked redorich: PLEASE TALK MORE ABOUT TUBBO IN THE HERMIT TOMMY AU.

\---

Technoblade lives out in the middle of nowhere. It’s easy for him to disappear for a day. It’s not so easy for Tubbo. He lives in the heart of L’Manberg, and as its president he’s in the public eye all the time. However, whenever he gets even the faintest glimmer of a chance to see his best friend, he takes it. It’s risky, sure, but he thought Tommy was dead for months. The risk is worth it.

Tubbo likes the ideals of peace that the hermits have, wishes so much that he could implement them, but their entire peaceful dynamic is founded on the principle that everyone is equal and everyone is kind. That just doesn’t work in the Dream SMP.

He and Tommy spend their time together soaring the skies with elytra, building weird unexplained structures for the hermits to find, and playing minigames that Tommy actually pays for. (”They’ve got redstone bullshit,” he explains, “they don’t work if you don’t pay.”)

Tubbo gets a new compass to replace the one he lost to a creeper. It’ll just spin uselessly whenever he’s not on the Hermitcraft server, but he doesn’t mind. He records songs with Tommy, burns them onto music discs. Tommy’s been learning to play the guitar, and he’s really bad at it, but the music is fun anyway.

(He brings one of the discs back to Wilbur. Wilbur wants to see his brother so, so damn bad, but if he leaves the Dream SMP he might turn into Alivebur and he just can’t deal with that. He sits alone in the rubble of Logstedshire, plays the disc of his brother making a shitty cover of a song Wilbur wrote, and clutches his blue desperately. There’s a pile of blue all around him. It’s still not enough to drain all his sadness.)

Tubbo and Tommy sit on the bench that Tommy made in the shopping district. The sun sets as they listen to Mellohi. For a moment the two get to pretend that things are the way they used to be.

The hermits see this young man, a boy really, wearing a suit just a bit too big for him. Tubbo is, to the hermits, such a sweet young man that Stress can’t help but pinch his cheeks. They all give him little care packages to take with him whenever he goes back home to L’Manberg, because the hermits absolutely hate that they have to keep sending a fucking child into what’s basically a warzone, but the least they can do is give him things that will help him stay in one piece. They hear Tommy and Tubbo reminisce about the good old days of fighting for their independence, and they weep. If Tubbo weren’t so strongly bound by his sense of duty to his country, they’d have told him to stay with Tommy, become a hermit. As it is, he’d never do it, even if he wants to. He’s got people waiting on him back home. They need him.

The hermits wish Tubbo would consider what _he_ needs.

* * *

Anonymous asked redorich: The Hermits have always been a bit confused about Tommy's aversion to fireworks. It gets a little more clear when one of them forgets while Tubbo is visiting, and Tommy ends up having to leave and drag Tubbo somewhere secluded to talk him down from a panic attack. The burn scars suddenly make a lot more sense…

\---

What’s the point of having an elytra, they think, if all he ever does with it is glide? So they figure out he doesn’t like rockets. Is it the explosion? Why is he fine with TNT, then? (He’s not, he’s just so used to throwing away his items, igniting the TNT under Dream’s kind gaze and standing a little too close, so that his fingers get singed.)

They accommodate him, though. He doesn’t use the rockets himself, so they make little perches he can climb up top so he gets more distance when he glides. In return, he becomes less and less stiff whenever he hears someone else take off, and the noise starts to mean  _ friend _ instead of  _ foe _ .

Then Tubbo shows up.

Tubbo’s forgiven Techno, sure, but rockets still make him flinch. The hermits see the way he edges away from the unlit fuse, take one look at the burn scars which creep like vines across the child soldier’s body, and decide that they’ll walk whenever Tubbo’s around.

* * *

Anonymous asked redorich: Thinkin abt how Tubbo would literally fit in PERFECTLY with the hermits, all he wants to do is be nice, play pranks, build shit and have his bees, but he would still Refuse to join as long as hes in office bc he refuses to put his own well being over his responsibilities, even if it meant getting to be with Tommy again

\---

The hermits understand this, and even admire Tubbo’s loyalty. They try to sway him– can’t he just elect someone else in his place? Except no, he can’t, because everyone else is an idiot. Then how about he install some form of communist government, Joe suggests, where everything is democratic? No, Tubbo can’t do that either, because they’ll immediately descend into factions and split into two warring countries, which will both be weak and immediately be annexed by stronger powers. Tubbo’s hands are tied.

If the hermits have their way, it won’t be that way forever.


	6. Intermission 2

Anonymous asked redorich: Prompt idea // Since the Hermits have families outside of Hermitcraft, maybe they come to visit as one giant family reunion. Their kids, spouses, parents, siblings, etc. The only one who doesn't have anybody come is Tommy cuz... yknow, angst. And they think he's kinda dead (I know that Techno does find out he's okay but lets pretend this is before that for the sake of angst lmao). Cue Tommy feeling extremely guilty and alone for leaving his father & brothers behind without saying goodbye :') -🦊

\---

The hermits don’t call it a family reunion, but that’s basically what it is. Skizzleman shows up for Impulse, chatting away with Tango and Zedaph off to the side near the sweets table. Grian’s invited Pearl, who extols the virtues of a stair placed  _ just so _ to create a particular curvature and Grian nods along while Xisuma takes notes. Doc and Mumbo have been kicked out of the building and have moved to the front lawn, because they are currently whispering conspiratorially with other members of the SciCraft server, which is sure to end in some sort of redstone affront against the laws of physics.

Tommy stands around awkwardly with a cup in his hand, trying to pretend he’s just vibing and not alone. Maybe he shouldn’t have come. Who would he even have invited? Technoblade, the brother who thinks he’s dead, the one who blew up his nation? Wilbur, the  _ other _ brother who thinks he’s dead and blew up L’Manberg? Damn, at least Technoblade isn’t a ghost. Maybe he could have invited Tubbo, his best friend who exiled him?

A slithering whisper curls around his brain, telling him that Dream would have come had Tommy asked.

* * *

Anonymous asked redorich: So you know how Hermitcraft and Dream SMP loves their pranks. The only difference being that in the Dream SMP if a prank is too big or hard to get cleaned up it just stays like that.

Say someone were to prank Tommy how would the Hermits react to him not bothering to fix it or just like living with the mess.

\---

Iskall builds a giant bird, flying over Tommy’s clearing and pooping diorite. (It wouldn’t be the first time.) Tommy really doesn’t want to bother cleaning it up, so he just halfheartedly puts some spruce trapdoors and flowerpots around the diorite and turns it into a little rock with a garden around it, where he sits in the shade of the giant bird overhead.

* * *

Anonymous asked redorich: Does Hermit!Tommy know about hermits' evil clones? (Maybe Tommy has one too?)

\---

Tommy hears that Beef has a machine called the “Totally Not Safe Duplication Device” and immediately decides he has to try this. Tommy’s duplicate turns out to be exactly like him, save for the inverted colors– black hair instead of blond, red eyes instead of blue. Like Wels and Hels, come to think of it. They never even make it out of Beef’s experimentation room, because they’re too busy arguing with each other over stupid shit, like whether it’s better to have a Twitch Prime bell or a Channel Membership bell.

* * *

Anonymous asked redorich: Tommy accidentally says “first exile” in front of someone and they says, “first?” And Tommy shrugs like it’s nothing, “yeah. I’ve been exiled... three times I believe. First one after the first revolutionary war about two... two and a half years ago?, second one after Schlatt cheated to win the election and banished all his political opponents, and the third...” he goes quiet and like every time he accidentally says something he thinks is normal, the hermit with him grows even more horrified of this child soldier’s past, especially when they already know he’s currently only 16. -🐍

\---

CANON CANON THIS IS CANON NOW

* * *

Anonymous asked redorich: On the illusion magic- what if one day while prancing with Grian, he says, “I know what would scare them! I’ll make an illusion of my older brother looking extra angry, like that time I took his title potions without asking haha!” He then makes an illusion of the sound of someone knocking on poor Doc’s door and when he opens it, The Technoblade is looming over him with a sword in hand and he just snorts like an angry bull. -🐍

\---

Doc likes to consider himself a brave man. (He’s absolutely not, but none of his friends have the heart to disabuse him of his delusions of gallantry.) Doc has seen The Technoblade in person exactly once, at a cage match. He was in the far back of the audience, and the look in Technoblade’s eyes as he stood over his downed opponent and laughed unnerves Doc to this day.

It doesn’t hold a candle to the full force of the piglin’s glare, standing right at Doc’s front door. “What the fuck,” he blurts and slams the door.

Tommy’s never going to let him live this one down.

* * *

Anonymous asked redorich: Yo how do you think hermit tommy would react to a server reset? Since the dream smp has never done that, and since tommy may have gotten used to the security of hermitcraft?

\---

He is completely bewildered at why they would erase all that they’ve made, just to start all over again. He doesn’t want to lose his little waterfall, the cottage, the tower with the drug lab underneath. They do their best to convince him that their previous worlds aren’t lost, that they can go back to them and revisit, that they just want to create a new world with new memories.

He still doesn’t like it, but that’s okay. The 1.17 update is far away. He’s got time.

* * *

Anonymous asked redorich: okay, hear me out. Tommy building one of his iconic disruptive cobblestone structures in the middle of the shopping district

\---

It’s so ugly and the only reason it’s lasted as long as it has is because the kid is so damn proud of himself for making it. His “Intimidation Tower 2.0” casts a shadow on the Barge. The hermits try to persuade Tommy to get rid of it without explicitly calling it ugly. Scar finally guilts Tommy into moving it by pointing out that land in the shopping district must be paid for.

* * *

asianfandomtrash asked redorich: You touched on music with Hermit!Tommy already but has he heard any of Ely's remixes? Yeah I know that ely isn't a part of Hermitcraft on the whitelist but he's basically a spiritual member like Ilmango

\---

oh heck you’re right. everyone regrets the day that tommy heard grian’s afk song, because now tommy’s got it in his head that he’s got to steal mumbo’s moustache. tommy makes fun of all the hermits for their silly songs, but he secretly really likes the one of etho talking about resource gathering.

* * *

Anonymous asked redorich: Have you said how the hermits found out exactly how old tommy is? Bc they knwo hes young but do they know hes only sixteen? -anonbeeishere (bee if you dont have a bee anon yet)

\---

no, i do not have a bee anon xD well i guess i do now :p

They don’t know how old he is– they assume, somewhere around seventeen to nineteen. When Tubbo stops by, and claims to be older than Tommy, that’s when the dread starts to set in. They should have seen it before. The kid’s tall, but the way he acts is so painfully sixteen. (The obsidian swear words on Bdubs’s lawn lend themself to this.) It’s bad enough when Tommy says, “Two years ago we fought for independence,” and they think that means he was seventeen or eighteen which is still far too young but not as bad as  _ fourteen _ , what the fuck, who allowed this to happen?

* * *

Anonymous asked redorich: So you know how Tommy has the habit of making secret drug lab on the dream smp. How would the Hermits react to him making one or just talking about past ones.

\---

Grian calls his secret underground drug lab “impressive”. Apparently, the dingy blackstone flooring with bits of redstone sprinkled about for decoration are particularly inspired. The other hermits aren’t as enthused. His names for various potions are funny, though. He calls invisibility potions “Wilbur’s repression juice” and speed potions “cocaine”. They don’t even  _ want  _ to know what “blue” is supposed to be.

* * *

Anonymous asked redorich: Prompt idea // Tommy is amazed by how many of the Hermits know how to sing/play music, specifically Ren. At some point he gets so curious that he starts hiding out nearby just to hear Ren sing & play. Maybe one time he falls asleep cuz it sounds so calming lol. Soon he starts taking Ren's guitar without him knowing to try to learn how to play it (key word is try xD). Eventually he gets caught but Ren teaches him to play anyway lmao. Maybe later he could perform for the Hermits, who knows? :P -🦊

\---

After growing up listening to Wilbur learn how to play the guitar, Tommy vowed to never learn to play any instrument that isn’t obnoxious. Phil took his vuvuzela from him, and Techno broke his recorder, so Tommy’s musical prowess only extends to the kazoo and his amazing freestyle rap skills. (Plus,  _ I’m In Love With An E-Girl _ isn’t nearly as good of a song when you’ve got to stay up all night listening to Wilbur play the same three chords over and over again, and swear viciously because none of the chords sound right, and who the fuck writes in sharp notation, this is just plain rude, what the fuck is the difference between a C6 and an Am7?!)

Tommy rouses himself from his memories. Ren’s playing a song, and it sounds nice. He’s heard a recording of it on the music disc Mumbo gave him, but it’s different in person. The other hermits at the community picnic give Ren a round of applause, and the man blushes but takes the praise gracefully.

“Oi dick’ead, let me try,” Tommy demands. Cleo laughs, and Xisuma swats Tommy upside the head for his language. Still, Tommy gets his way, and Ren’s guitar ends up in his hands.

_ How did Wilbur do this again? _ He brings his fingers down on the strings, over the circular hole thingy in the bottom part of the guitar. It scrapes his nailbeds painfully, and the guitar makes a pitiful twangy sound. His friends laugh, and with pink cheeks he does it again like that was what he meant to do the whole time. Let them think he’s playing it for laughs. Of course he doesn’t want to play the guitar.

He makes the awful sound again, and embellishes his voice when he sings, “He’s in your bed, but I’m in your Twitch chat!”

They all laugh again. He’s satisfied.

Later, when no one’s watching and half the hermits have already left, he steals the guitar again. He can’t figure it out. It frustrates him. How was Wilbur so good at this piece of shit instrument?

Ren catches him. Tommy freezes for a second. He knows that the hermits don’t kill each other over stolen items, but Ren could make fun of him. He could tell everyone that Tommy was a dumb kid who couldn’t even figure out how to play music with a shitty piece of wood with some strings on it.

“You hold it like this,” Ren says, and adjusts the guitar in Tommy’s grasp. He shows Tommy how to strum, and how to play a basic C major chord.

Tommy’s a beginner at so many new things in Hermitcraft, like building nice things and making redstone that isn’t scuffed and sparring people without killing them. This is just one more. He gets better with time.

* * *


	7. War?

Anonymous asked redorich: Hey what if the Hermits got to see Tommy’s version of war. Someone mentions going to war but it’s the friendly hermit kind of war. Tommy while he seems calm is internally panicking. He grinds just like Techno in the neather. No one sees him for three days and then he grabs a few people on his side and says, “It’s finally done come on- well not totally done but good enough to show.” And he leads them to a far off hidden base with chests of top tier armor, golden apples, over a dozen full stacks of tnt and one full stack of wither skulls. Tommy even shoves a sharpness 3, burning, looting, and unbreaking sword into Grain’s arms while talking battle plans -🐍

\---

The thing is, Impulse thinks, none of this is impressive to him. Well, relatively. Tommy’s eyes shine at the elaborate secret base he’s built, but he doesn’t even have a redstone door. It’s just a block in the ground that he mines up and replaces every time he wants to get in and out. There’s enchanted netherite armor for everyone, and yeah, the stuff’s not easy to get, but Cub has a whole room in his pyramid made of ancient debris. Impulse knows that Iskall has an insane gold farm, so golden apples come cheap. The very specific eleven and one half stacks of TNT are pocket change to Impulse, who regularly steals from Tango’s creeper farm. The damn thing’s so efficient that Tango doesn’t even notice. Impulse himself has a wither skeleton farm so efficient that he sells beacons for dirt cheap.

But here’s the thing.

Tommy doesn’t have a wither skeleton farm. He has no creeper farm, no gold farm, nothing. Every farm he has is small scale, so early game that most of the hermits barely bother with them: a wheat farm, a pit with some cows in it, an afk fish farm. (Tommy doesn’t even know that fish farms are out of fashion, now that 1.16 has nerfed them.)

For Tommy, what he has is the pinnacle of grinding. He’s spent days preparing for war. He comes from a poor server, everyone is aware but is too nice to say. He hoards shulker boxes like they’re 12 bamboo, hides anything he doesn’t want stolen in his ender chest even though he trusts the hermits now. How long has it taken him to accumulate this much? How much time did he spend mining away in the Nether, all alone save for his determination? How many times did he die to a creeper trying to collect its gunpowder? How long has he spent underground, mining away at gold ore?

It scares Impulse. Tommy’s a motivated person, yes, but this level of material preparation? It makes Impulse think that Tommy doesn’t quite understand what the hermits mean by war. Impulse looks at the young man, really looks at him. His coat is even more raggedy, meticulously stitched back together. His body language betrays the exuberance in his voice; the boy is dead on his feet. If Impulse were to remove Tommy’s smiley mask, he knows he’d see deep-set bags under Tommy’s eyes. Impulse thinks that Tommy is so tired he might just let Impulse do it.

Tommy understands war a little too well. He is familiar with it, has personally danced with the devil in a way that few hermits have. Impulse puts his hand on the boy’s shoulder.

“Tommy,” he says softly, “I don’t think we have the same idea of what war is.”

Tommy tilts his head in silent confusion.

“Don’t get me wrong, this is all very impressive,” Impulse sighs, gesturing to all the accumulated weaponry, “but Hermitcraft doesn’t do war like that. No one’s going to be in danger.”

“But it’s a war?? Danger’s kinda– it’s kind of a requirement, innit?”

Impulse tries a different tactic. “Remember when you were new here, and you explained to us what a ‘canon death’ is? And how Xisuma told you that you’re always allowed to respawn?”

Tommy nods warily, so Impulse continues. “So if we’re always allowed to respawn, why would we kill each other?”

“Is… Is Hermitcraft war about suffering, then? If you can’t kill your opponent, then you make them suffer while they’re alive, right?”

Impulse is horrified. As soon as he’s done with Tommy, he’s going straight to Zedaph’s base for a hug and possibly booze. What the actual _fuck_ , Tommy is so young! And he genuinely believes that the hermits would… Tommy must have been a child during whatever war he’d seen, _participated in!_ Is he even an adult now? Is he still a kid?

Impulse has been silent for too long; Tommy can sense he’s said something wrong. He doesn’t correct it, though. Xisuma rolled back the server to give him his compass back once, after he died in lava. Xisuma will do it again if Impulse kills him.

“Hermitcraft war isn’t real war, Tommy,” Impulse says softly. “It’s not about hurting other people. It’s about winning. It’s about having fun. We solve our wars through minigames, and PvP matches, and pranks, and IOUs. We’re all friends here.”

“I don’t understand.” Tommy’s reverting back to the quiet, contemplative young man that he was when he first showed up, the man they know now that he is not. Impulse has to stop this before it gets worse.

“We call it war, but it’s just a competition. I appreciate the amount of effort you put into trying to protect us, but we were never in danger.”

The masked young man says nothing, but sits down on the floor heavily. Impulse sits down with him.

“Hey, it’s okay. Let me tell you a funny story from the Hermitcraft Civil War of season six…”

It’ll be okay. It has to be.


	8. Intermission 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> im a moron amd didn't realize this chapter was saved as a draft instead of posted lmao

Anonymous asked redorich: Eeeee thank you! That was amazing! I have another idea for you- what if Tommy told the others he finally managed to make a set of weapons that his brother showed him how to use “properly” and wants to know if anyone will spar. Everyone is very suspicious as this is likely the same brother that told him sparing ends with a respawn so they have people there to stop it if it’s to much. It is raining and turns out the weapon combo is a riptide trident to stay very high in the air and a rocket crossbow to fire between flings of the trident. -🐍

\---

Tommy loves his riptide trident. It’s one of the few decent memories he has of his exile, when Dream gave him his trident. The rocket crossbow, on the other hand… It weighs heavy in his arms, not only the carved wood but the memories. Tubbo forgave Technoblade for what he did at the festival, true, but Tommy is not so quick to forgive. However, Grian was so excited for his “Roman candle fight” that Tommy didn’t have the heart to turn him down. It would be fine. They’re just memories.

Grian’s a great flier, but he’s practiced with the elytra. Tommy’s got an edge on him with the trident, and they both know it. They’re both good shots with the crossbow; the battle is very close and betting is rampant among the other hermits.

First to five hits wins, and it ends up a tie. They shake hands. No one has to respawn. Tommy smiles.

* * *

amanda-519 asked redorich: Wait - I just realized that Hermit!Tommy has never seen the End before! Plus, seeing as Cobblestone is his favorite block, and end stone is just inverted cobblestone, he would probably actually really like the End! If you're feeling up to it, can I request something to do with Hermit!Tommy being in the End for the first time?

\---

It comes to Zedaph’s attention that Tommy’s never fought the ender dragon before. Zedaph wants another go at killing the dragon while boating around the End, so he asks Tommy, but Tommy is only aware of the existence of any dragon due to “a speedrunning friend” telling him about his “manhunts”. Now they  _ have _ to beat the dragon. Everyone’s done it, it’s practically a rite of passage!

Their obsidian platform spawns under the endstone instead of in the void, which is lucky. Tommy gets the hang of tower-destroying quickly; he’s good with his MLG water bucket even if he swears the whole time. Tommy decides to explode the dragon with beds instead of killing it with his sword or axe, which Zedaph thinks is weird but whatever works. It’s after the dragon is dead that things go a bit sideways. Tommy wants to collect endstone because it looks like “piss cobble”, which, yeah, fair enough. But when Zedaph suggests they go endbusting, Tommy takes one step through the portal that takes them out to the other End islands and screams.

He panics. What the fuck is this, why is there no fucking floor. Is that the void? The literal, actual, void? And he’s supposed to fly around above this, with nothing but an elytra?!

The void is scary, Zedaph thinks, but Tommy’s overreacting a little. It’s like he’s never… seen it before…

He feels like an idiot. They go back through the portal, then back to the Overworld, and Zedaph feels bad and Tommy is embarrassed but it’s fine because they make silly things with the so-called piss cobble and pretend nothing happened.

Tommy does return to the End, though. He doesn’t like to go alone, as though having someone there will make it less likely that the void will swallow him whole. He collects endstone and his very first elytra that he got himself, and hoards all the loot from the End cities even if it’s bad, and takes every potion he comes across in the End ships. He takes purpur because Scar once mentioned that everyone thinks it’s an ugly block. He tries to have a pet endermite named Jared, but endermen brutally murder it and he pouts for a week.

Soon he’s flying around the End with the best of them, motivated in part because one day he’s going to see his friends again, and this is going to be a huge flex.

* * *

scrollingfan asked redorich: Tommy spars and gets confused because “Sparring is just practicing battle/war, innit?” And the hermits once again have to explain milder is not okay. Please give headcanons how you think this would play out.

\---

They’ve been trying to teach him that sparring and fighting are two very different things. He’s stopped trying to kill people in practice spars, stopped expecting to hit the respawn button, but he still doesn’t really understand  _ why _ . He chalks it up to it being a Hermitcraft culture thing.

The hermits understand why Tommy thinks the way he does. Still, none of them were ever child soldiers, very few of them have seen war in the way that Tommy has. His thought processes are alien to them. Every other word out of his mouth simultaneously illuminates something about him, and raises ten other questions.

When he says, “Sneak attacks totally count! ‘S reflex training for an ambush, innit?” they see that he’s spent long nights squinting into the dark, watching every movement in the forest and expecting to be attacked.

When he says, “Sparring is just practicing for battle, right?” they see that someone he trusted, someone  _ on his side _ made him like this.

Wartime mentality isn’t changed in a few months. This isn’t something they should bludgeon apart, like they did with the idea that they’d ever kill him for real. This is something they should undermine. Whisper sweet blasphemy into his ear, piece by piece, until he reaches the conclusion for himself that sparring isn’t training for sending children out into the world to kill and die.

* * *

Anonymous asked redorich: idea: it is entirely technoblade’s fault that philza realizes hermit!tommy is alive. in techno’s defense, he’s only ever managed to hide one (1) thing from philza minecraft for more than a week and even though philza hadn’t known it was wither skulls specifically he sure knew techno was stockpiling wmds of some kind. combined with phil being one of the only people with a high success rate at reading techno, the poor pigman was screwed on the “hide this from dad” front

\---

So, here’s the thing. Techno knows he can’t hide shit from Philza. Most of the time he doesn’t even try. But Tommy’s only just let Techno back into his life, and  _ nobody _ is going to fuck this up for him.

It’s obvious from the start that Philza is aware that Techno is hiding something, but Philza never really believed that Techno was forgoing his violent ways in favor of retirement. (Techno himself wonders sometimes if he believes it.) So he lets Philza know that he’s stockpiling gunpowder. Lets Philza see him slip into his bunker, covered wall-to-wall in wither skeleton skulls, and lets Philza think that this is what he’s hiding. If Philza thinks he knows Technoblade’s secret, he won’t dig any further.

He’s a horrible person, for hiding the fact that Tommy’s alive. Philza would skin Techno whole if he knew what was going on, that Techno didn’t tell him his son is still around. He– well, Techno does care, but in this instance Tommy comes first.

* * *

Anonymous asked redorich: thinkin’ about how the coolest, most intricate red stone build (and frankly build in general) on the dream smp is the MASSIVE TERRIFYING PRISON and what that says about the difference in mindset hermit!tommy has to get used to

\---

anon your brain is so massive, do your shoes need shining, can i get you some coffee,,

But yeah, think about Tubbo mentioning the prison offhandedly when he goes to visit Tommy. Sam’s been working on it for days and it’s really cool but dangerous, trying to get past the defenses would be like losing all three canon lives.

Doc feels uncomfortable. This is the kind of redstone he makes. Sure, he makes mob farms and storage systems, but he specializes in violent redstone. Of course, on Hermitcraft, most of it’s theoretical. That which isn’t is still kindly intentioned. Like the traps that HEP and the Mycelium Resistance put in their bases, or lethal minigames. It’s supposed to be impressive, funny, a prank.

They don’t show Tubbo the stuff he’d be most impressed by. They show him Etho’s insane sorting system, Decked Out, a simple slime block launcher. Tommy knows what they’re doing. He doesn’t stop them.

* * *

amanda-519 asked redorich: Hey can I ask why Techno doesn't tell Phil that Tommy is alive? From my knowledge Phil is the only family member Tommy has been constantly ok with. Sure he was upset that he didnt go to his party, but he was basically mad at everyone during that time. He stole stuff off of him, but it wasn't out of malice. Why would Hermit!Tommy be opposed to Phil knowing he's alive?

\---

Good question! See, anyone accustomed to Hermitcraft would feel the same way. Tommy’s working through his past, why not start him out with someone he hasn’t had a lot of beef with? (Never mind the fact that his own dad let him spiral further and furter out of reality, into Dream’s grasp, never mind that he never came to Tommy’s party, never mind that he only ever bothered to stop by once. Even Ranboo came more often than that.)

Techno’s just about the furthest thing from a hermit, though. He lives and breathes violence and deception. Everyone can turn on you, and everyone is always to blame for something. He doesn’t know how Tommy would react, and that’s enough cause for him to assume that it would be badly. Tommy told him to keep it a secret. In Techno’s mind, protecting his brother means doing exactly that: keeping his brother’s existence a secret from  _ everyone _ .

True, Tommy could ask to see Philza or send him a letter or something. He’s over his resentment. (No he’s not, he’s just buried it so deep inside that hopefully it’ll never see the light of day.) But Philza could tell someone. He could ask Tommy to come back. He could stay, and teach the hermits violence. Techno’s chat call Philza “Dadza” and “Killza” in equal measures for a reason.

* * *

Anonymous asked redorich: Your post about the totems now has me thinking about sometime in the future, hermit tommy inviting techno to come see hc. And the hermite not really sure how to react, bc on one hand, it's The Technoblade. But on the other hand, they know he's hurt Tommy before, so they end up just...awkwardly hovering around the two.

\---

Tommy keeps his brother away from the hermits, most of the time. Techno doesn’t mind. The voices get so much louder when peaceful people are nearby, ripe for the killing.

False is the wariest. Of all of them, she knows best exactly what Technoblade is capable of. Some morons, on the other hand…

Bdubs flies low just long enough to throw eggs at Techno. He laughs the whole time. As his silhouette recedes into the horizon, Technoblade’s chat calls for blood. He just snorts, and carries on with his day.

The brothers play games together. They spar, the way that the hermits are trying to teach Tommy not to. Techno pulls Tommy into a one-armed hug after Tommy respawns, though, and compliments him on his right hook. False looks the pigman dead in the eye; she forces herself not to feel any fear as she lightly says that Tommy learns better when he’s not being killed all the time.

A wave of shame washes over Techno. He’s never even considered that the way he learned to fight growing up isn’t the best way, even though he knows he grew up wrong, that’s why Phil took him in in the first place. It absolutely does not stay in the pit.

He has no idea how far is too far. Quietly, at a moment when Tommy isn’t looking, he asks False to tell him. He starts conceding fights even when he could still totally win, because Tommy’s done something well and deserves to be proud of it. When Techno wins, he sits on Tommy and sticks a finger in his little brother’s ear instead of hacking his head off. It’s a work in progress, but False seems to approve.

* * *

Anonymous asked redorich: How does the Hermits react to finding out Technoblade is Tommy's older brother? how would they take it in?

\---

False knows from the moment Tommy tries to spar her. His stances are suited to a piglin. She doesn’t snitch. However much Tommy may hate his brother for his acts of terrorism, he also loves his brother for the fond memories they have. When he’s a bit more stable, he tells a story or two about himself and Technoblade being dumb idiot children together, pretending as if the person he’s telling knew all along and this information is not groundbreaking. The word spreads quickly, so that no one asks him any painful questions that might make him retreat from them. He’s getting better, bit by bit, and every single hermit is prepared to protect that progress no matter the cost.

* * *

Anonymous asked redorich: I love the Hermit tommy au! So here i am with an idea. The serverwide idea of a prank on Hermitcraft differs wildly from Dreamsmp, so imagine Tommy asking Grian what the Proper Prank Protocol on the server.

\---

THIS IS THE SHIT YOU LIKE TO SEE. Oh man, Grian’s explanation of the rules basically boil down to “Don’t kill, grief, or steal… unless it’ll be really funny. And if people lose their stuff because of you, you have to replace it, so it’s easier to just be a nuisance instead.” The two plan some pranks together, and they call it educational– after all, poor Tommy just wants to know how to play nice with his friends, right? (Tommy’s never been good at puppy eyes because he hates pity and because his face just doesn’t work that way. Grian, on the other hand, wields his puppy eyes more devastatingly than a sword.)

Grian’s a good actor. He doesn’t show his disapproval when Tommy suggests building a giant obsidian penis on top of Mumbo’s base, or starting a forest fire near Iskall’s tree just to watch the man panic. Instead, Grian takes a different approach. “That could be funny,” he says, “but wouldn’t it be funnier if we filled Iskall’s tree with sheep instead? He asked me for some wool, so we could even say that we’re doing him a favor.”

* * *

Anonymous asked redorich: Do any of the hermits remind Tommy of his dad or his brothers? If so who? Does it make him happy or sad, do the hermits know? Maybe he carries around a picture of him with SBI and Tubbo, maybe the someone sees it one day... does he tell anyone about the family he left behind?

\---

Grian reminds him of Wilbur. Physically, the two couldn’t be any more different: Grian’s a foot shorter than Wilbur and way more muscled, and Wilbur’s face is narrower, sharper than Grian’s. However, the two share a certain penchant for the dramatic, as well as that same manner in which they charismatically steamroller over anyone who gets in their way.

Etho of all people reminds him of Technoblade. Both men are very skilled, though in different things, incredibly quick-witted, and sarcastic. They’re also, Tommy has noticed, introverted to the point of shyness at times.

* * *

Anonymous asked redorich: I hope this is the right place to submit. Sorry if not. But what if hermit!Tommy one day finds about the S6 demise game. I reckon he doesn’t believe it at first, bc even though he knows there’s no canon death here, why would they play a game you would die in? I reckon he would question why anyone would want to be a ghost like his brother?

\---

It does sound a lot like the principle of canon death, which is why the hermits are so reluctant to tell this story at first. They emphasize that it was all pretend, a little game. Get killed once, then you have to dress up like a ghost and take out the others. Last one “alive” wins. They have pictures. Not of the deaths, but of the moments of life. There’s pages in Stress’s photo album of the hermits playing risky Demise games, goofing around in a giant floating haunted house, sewing their ghost costumes. Tommy critiques said costumes, judging based on accuracy.

* * *

Anonymous asked redorich: Hey, what if the first time Techno comes around and Spars Tommy it’s the way they were taught to. It’s hand to hand and it’s bloody and violent. Tommy even made a special 8 by 8, three block deep pit for it. When Tommy gets flung against a wall and looks like he can’t even stand anymore, Techno pulls out an Axe and looms over him. Before he can strike Tommy knocks his feet out from under him while Techno is off guard. He rolls and and catches the Axe. The hermits watching the horror show can see the weight of the Axe is almost enough to make Tommy collapse as he holds it up and rushes Techno. -🐍

\---

Well, they’d wondered why Tommy froze up that one time, when they were trying to teach him to spar like a normal person and someone made the mistake of saying, “It stays in the pit!”

Most of them don’t watch. Fights aren’t really their thing to begin with, and the intensity is off-putting. They can’t help but wince when Tommy’s back hits the wall hard enough to break a rib and instead of calling the match, the kid’s own brother keeps advancing. When Tommy manages to swipe Techno’s feet out from under him and nab his brother’s axe, that should be the end of it. He can’t even hold the axe properly. The handle alone is as thick around as his arm. 


	9. War, but for real this time

Anonymous asked redorich: Heyo, I'm not sure if you would want to. But if you ever wanted to write a sequel? to your nightmare hermit craft tommy. I would be so down. Your work is amazing! 🐌

\---

The day Dream and the rest of the server find out about Tommy with the hermits, I can see dream (and possibly others) going there to “collect” Tommy thinking no one will put up a fight, only to have all the hermits protecting Tommy in there own ways with Xisuma at the front being the badass admin that he his, teaching dream a proper lesson.

——-

Tommy, his best friend, his brother, and some of the hermits spend weeks planning out how they’re going to save Dream from the dreamon possessing him. Unfortunately, none of that matters in the end.

Tommy gets a message on his communicator. It’s Technoblade.

_< Technoblade> dream figured out you’re alive and forced tubbo to tell him your location. he’s invading hermitcraft TODAY._

_< Technoblade> he’s bringing george, sapnap, bad, ant, phil, ranboo, quackity, and fundy. i’ll be there but i don’t know how much i can do to stop them._

Techno won’t answer any of Tommy’s messages, won’t pick up the phone. Fuck. On the verge of hyperventilation, Tommy takes off into the sky with the elytra that he only ever glides with, and spams rockets as fast as he can because fuck his stupid hangup with fireworks and the trauma behind them, he needs to see Xisuma _now_.

The admin is busy making another tower for his base, but drops everything when Tommy explains, in gasping breaths, the imminent danger. Xisuma teleports every player to the town hall, then takes off to remove all valuable items from the spawn area he created before anyone gets the chance to ask him what the teleport was for.

Tommy takes charge with help from the hermits that are more experienced in leading. He knows exactly what the opposition will be bringing, how many they’ll be facing, the tactics they’ll use.

Bdubs sets up beds in the town hall for everyone to set their spawns, while Doc rigs the place with every nasty trick he can think of. After working on his Target minigames for so long, Cub knows which hermits are the best with a bow. He forms a group and they strategically perch in the HEP tower. The bookstore becomes free to everyone who doesn’t have maxed-out gear, and Etho sweeps in behind them all, methodically looting every store that has anything the enemy could possibly get a benefit out of if they stole it. Stress sets up a makeshift potions lab on the front lawn. Cleo fetches her everything she needs.

Meanwhile, Ren loots his Quadrachopper for apples, then hands them off to Iskall to make stacks upon stacks of golden apples. Jevin darts off, but shortly returns with several shulker boxes of ender pearls. Each hermit has at least two totems of undying courtesy of Impulse.

 _This is what these people can do with less than a day to prepare,_ Tommy wonders. There’s enough supplies here to have taken back L’Manberg three times over, before it blew up. Still, these are the people that spar to three hearts instead of to the death. They shy away from making others suffer. Their calluses are born of concrete and stone, pickaxes and shovels. Dream’s calluses are born of blood.

The time comes. Stress packs up her brewing stands, places them inside the town hall on any space that isn’t a bed so she can keep supplying the fighters. Tango lets his lava bucket warm his shaking hands. Doc clutches his trident, resolute in his role of protector; no enemy will breach the town hall so long as he is there.

Messages of intruders joining the server flood the chat. Instant chaos. Three withers spawn all at once, and Grian sets about aggro-ing all three of them so he can dogfight them in the sky. Bad, George, and Ant head straight for the town hall. It’s the most important building on the island, as well as the most spacious, so the hunters correctly guess that town hall is the hermits’ base of operations. The three are met by Iskall, who stalls them long enough for Tango and Impulse to show up. Their fight pushes down the street to the steps of the town hall, so Doc joins in the fray. It’s an evenly matched fight.

Sapnap makes his way to the town hall as well, in order to support his fellow hunters, but Keralis cuts him off. In true Keralis fashion, the man taunts Sapnap until Sapnap completely loses sight of what he was meant to do, and instead chases Keralis, who narrowly evades him at every turn.

False engages a footsoldier– Quackity– in a battle that is tooth and nail. She nearly loses her arm to Quackity’s axe when Fundy makes the battle a two-on-one, but Fundy nearly loses his entire head when Techno roars triumphantly and swings his Orphan Obliterator sword at him with both hands. Quackity screams, fuelled not by his lungs but by his blinding hot rage at the betrayal. The battle is on.

It’s not all battles, though. Several hermits rain arrows down upon their enemies from the rooftops; meanwhile, Dream himself stalks through the streets under the effect of an invisibility potion, setting off TNT and End crystals indiscriminately. He isn’t the only invisible person, though– Etho goes completely without armor, sabotaging anyone he can and collecting another invisibility potion on the way out of town hall each time he dies and respawns. Mumbo, eager for a chance to help, runs damage control as best as he can by putting out fires while Wels watches his back. Ren and Cleo run elytra interference; xB does the same from the ocean with a riptide trident.

Once Ant is down, Impulse feels safe in allowing Doc, Tango, and Iskall to take on George and Bad without him. Impulse peels off from the group to confront the nervous-looking man edging his way closer and closer to the town hall. The closer he gets, the more his heart drops into his stomach. Tommy’d described this Ranboo guy, but he’d neglected to mention that Ranboo was _not a fucking adult._ Impulse doesn’t think he can do this. He can’t inflict this level of violence on a kid, for all that Ranboo is an older teen. 

Ranboo’s too good at fighting– _another child soldier,_ Impulse’s mind whispers– for Impulse to be able to afford to be kind, but Impulse does anyway and Ranboo kills him. Stress gasps when he respawns, but steadfastly gives him everything he needs to go back out into the fray. His hands shake. This had better end soon, one way or another.


	10. War 2: the squeakquel

Anonymous asked redorich: So, remember how Impulse reacted to Tommy’s war room? What if he only got to see the very corner of it. After all, Tommy had been working for at least a week on it. He didn’t even get to tell Impulse about the fact that it’s surrounded on all sides by three blocks of obsidian. That there is a hidden obsidian hallway behind some bamboo in the corner that leads to a room identical to this one. The fact there aren’t two but *three* rooms. He shows the hermits when Dream is about to invade and says, “if anything goes wrong we have here to hide until they leave.” -🐍

\---

Tommy leads one of the ground assault teams (Impulse, Tango, and Iskall) to his bunker. Impulse is the only one who’s been here before. He regrets telling Tommy that while impressive, none of his preparations were necessary because the hermits don’t do war. Obviously, they do now.

Except, after the three men loot Tommy’s chests under his dark gaze, he takes out a lever and places it on the wall. When he flicks it, a portion of the wall retracts. Tango compliments Tommy on his classic corner-hidden piston door, but Impulse frowns. That passageway hadn’t been there last time, which means that either Tommy didn’t trust Impulse enough to show it to him, or that even after Impulse spent half an afternoon convincing Tommy that Hermitcraft is safe and no one will attack him, Tommy still came back and added a new secret room.

“This is it, boys,” he says, taking off down the narrow hallway. It’s obsidian on all sides, and leads to a box-like room with two beds, a chest, and a torch. “The walls are obsidian, three blocks deep in every direction. There’s enough food in here to last five people for a week. Any pets you don’t want killed, any non-fighters can hide here.”

Iskall makes an approving noise. Tango nods.

“I’m pretty sure every single one of us is gonna be out there, fighting for you,” Tango says. “But I’ll keep this place in mind. If something goes wrong, this’ll be the place to go.”

Impulse clenches his fist. The worst part about Tommy’s wartime paranoia, he thinks, is how damn useful it is. Because it’s tried and true. How many bunkers like this one has Tommy hid in? Or was he not in the bunker, and instead out on the battlefield?

It strengthens Impulse’s resolve to fight. He’ll put an end to this. None of the other kids on Tommy’s home server will have to grow up like he did.

* * *

Anonymous asked redorich: I just had a thought considering the current tommy! hermit au (the current part where Dream and his crew are invading to take Tommy back).

Joehills, as the official dog catcher of the shopping district, would have ~50 or more wolves tamed under his name, and given how effective a dozen or so wolves were in the season 6 civil war, i think Joe might have some power in this fight

\---

I hadn’t even considered that, but you are absolutely right. Taking out all the dogs from a distance definitely slows them down. Ant is the only one who tries to fight this huge pack of dogs. Now he has a dog-bite scar on his asscheek. xD


	11. Philza

Anonymous asked redorich: Can I have some Hermit! Tommy and Phil content please

\---

sure! :) be careful what you wish for 💞 (warning for canon-typical Bad Exile Thoughts

\-------

Philza’s standing there, right in front of the Boomers shop. He looks ready to cry. Tommy’s never seen his father cry.

“Tommy…” the man utters, lowering his sword. “You really are alive.”

Tommy flinches. He knows he should have come clean earlier, but he was– afraid. Of what, even he doesn’t know. Fatherly disapproval? Philza snitching on him to Dream? Or maybe Philza just not bothering to come visit him, just like exile all over again.

“Please come home, son.”

“This is my home now,” Tommy says.

Philza’s jaw clenches. The man looks distraught, but not surprised. “Dream said they’d brainwashed you, kidnapped you,” he says reluctantly. “I’d hoped it wasn’t true.”

Tommy stares in disbelief as his father raises his sword again. “They haven’t _brainwashed_ me!”

“I’m sorry, Tommy,” Philza ignores his protests, “I’ll get you back home, where you belong, and we’ll fix what these _monsters_ have done to you.”

The young man’s heart stops for a split second. “No. I won’t go back.”

“You don’t have a choice.”

Philza leaps to attack him, expertly slashing with his blade to move Tommy where he wants, then lashing out with the butt of his sword to knock Tommy out. It should be reassuring that he isn’t fighting to kill. Somehow, Tommy is still heartbroken.

“They haven’t done anything to me!” Tommy insists while desperately parrying his father’s attack. “Why the hell would you believe Dream over me?!”

The man doesn’t so much as pause. Tommy’s pleas fall on deaf ears like water off the back of a duck. An explosion rings out from the next street over. How much longer can this go on? There are more hermits, and they have more items, but the Dream SMP citizens are all bred in blood. The more time Tommy allows this to happen, the worse off the server will be. He knows what he has to do.

Tommy leaps back, away from Philza despite the opening in Philza’s defense. (It was probably a trap to begin with, anyway.) The man’s brow furrows and he opens his mouth, but he doesn’t get the chance to ask Tommy what he’s doing because the breath is utterly stolen stolen from his lungs. Ice pools in his chest. Distantly, he hears the clang of his sword falling from his numb fingers.

_“Tommy, no.”_

A drop of red swells on Tommy’s neck. Tommy does not remove the point of his sword from his own jugular. “Listen to me, Philza– _Dad._ Exile… was hard on me. You only came to see me once,” he said bitterly.

“Tommy, don’t do this–”

“Dream made me give him all my armor and weapons every day, just so he could destroy them with TNT and make me watch. He told me I was just a pest to him, that he was my only friend. He manipulated me, made himself my whole world. Then he found my hidden chests.” Tommy huffs wryly. “I had armor, my valuables, and… pictures of before. Of Tubbo, and L’Manberg. Dream blew it all up, then he blew up the tent I was living out of, and told me to start all over again from scratch. Except this time, I was banned from the Nether, too, and no one was allowed to see me.”

Tommy’s hand wavers, and the drop of blood runs down his neck. It settles in the dip of his collarbone. He feels sick, talking this way while wearing the mask Dream gave him, so he takes it off with his free hand, throws it to the ground. It shatters. “I built myself a tower, you know,” he says in a choked voice. “It was so high up. I could see the whole damn crater Dream made of Logstedshire. I was a pussy– when I jumped, I landed in the water.”

Philza lets out a shuddering breath, lurching closer to his son. “Tommy, Tommy I’m so sorry, so sorry…”

When Tommy smiles, it’s bittersweet. “The hermits, they’ve been nothing but kind to me, even when I was an asshole. I’m _happy_ here.”

Gently pushing away the sword at his son’s neck, Philza draws the young man into a hug. “My son… What can I do to help you?”

Tommy leans into the hug, buries his face in his father’s shoulder. “… I have an idea.”


	12. Showdown

The dreamon whispers in his mind. He can’t tell which thoughts are his own. His fingers twitch on the handle of his axe, whether he’s faced with friend or foe. Dream wants to be this insidious person he’s become. He can’t remember why he was ever kind.

Tommy, that obnoxious prick. He’s the only one that ever consistently said no to Dream. It infuriates him. He loves it. He wants that again, for someone to tell him _no, you’re wrong, you’re being a dick._ The dreamon doesn’t like it, but it does like breaking Tommy’s spirit. Dream has to have Tommy back.

In the end, the kid makes it easy on him: he comes to Dream. Philza’s there too, which is a complication, but Dream knows he’s better than Philza. He can kill him if he needs to. Tommy won’t forgive him for it, though. The thought is delicious.

They face each other on the balcony of the HEP tower. Dream killed all the snipers hiding up here. No doubt they’ve respawned.

“They don’t really care about you, Tommy,” Dream smiles indulgently. Stupid child. “They think you’re a novelty. They pity you, because you know _blood_ like I do. Don’t you miss it? These ‘hermit’ assholes– they go on and on about how everyone is equal, but it’s bullshit. Where’s your admin?”

Philza shifts uncomfortably from his position behind Tommy, swayed by Dream’s rhetoric but unwilling to compromise on his son’s wellbeing. Tommy snarls. He doesn’t know where Xisuma is, but he knows exactly what the admin is doing.

Dream barks out a nasty laugh. “If the hermits really liked you, if your admin really cared, he’d be here. But _I’m_ here, Tommy. I fight alongside my men. Look around. All the death, all the destruction? I did it all for you.”

Dream slithers closer, still smiling. Phil raises his sword minutely, and Dream stops approaching but doesn’t back away.

“I’m your only friend, Tommy. I visited you every day in exile. Remember the trident I gave you? We had good times together.” Dream’s voice grows hard. “Then you lied to me. You turned your back on me. I have been _nothing but patient_ with you. I’ve given you so many second chances. This is your last one. Come back home with me.”

Tommy meets his father’s gaze. He can barely see past the water in his eyes. His breath catches in his throat as he holds his arms up, silently asking Dream for a hug. Tommy needs this, he _needs_ this to happen.

Knowing that he’s won, Dream grins triumphantly. He wraps his arms around the young man, then chokes. Philza meets the possessed man’s shocked gaze over Tommy’s shoulder as blood flows freely down the blade of his sword, seeps into Philza’s palms as he yanks out the sword that he’s buried in Dream’s chest _through_ his son.

“What–” Dream rasps, trying to pull away from Tommy. The boy’s hands around his back are suddenly a vise grip, nails like claws digging into his shoulderblades.

The hermit admin, unseen til now, swoops down with his elytra and shouts in a language that Dream doesn’t understand. The dreamon knows it, though. As the tall, armored admin flicks through debug screens, the floor glows purple with Aurebesh runes. Dream’s skin feels like it’s melting.

The sky goes black, then white. Consciousness returns to Dream in patches. A short woman with flowers in her brown hair is splashing the two of them with healing potions– Tommy is still holding him up. All at once, the gravity of the situation hits him.

 _“Hold your fire!”_ he roars. Half of his men are dead anyway.

He grips desperately at his hair. “Oh God, what have I done?” He feels physically ill. “Tommy, kill me. I only have one canon life, it’ll stick, I deserve it for what I did to you.”

Tommy hears Philza suck in a sharp breath. The man that he once loved like another brother, the man he’d fought wars both with and against, the man who took everything from him, is laid out in his arms and begging for Tommy to take his revenge. It would be so easy. Tommy wouldn’t even need a sword. Technoblade wouldn’t have hesitated, if it was him here instead of Tommy. Even Tubbo would feel enough pity to put Dream out of his misery.

Tommy remembers when he lost his first canon life to Dream in a duel for his nation. He remembers seeing Wilbur’s unstable features light up when Dream gave him eleven and a half stacks of TNT. He remembers exile, and everything that came before it.

Tommy also remembers when False caught him stealing her cobblestone, and she gave him a shulker box full of it. He remembers when Impulse saw Tommy’s war room, and wept for Tommy’s childhood. He remembers the proud look on Grian’s face when they pranked Doc together. He remembers, at every turn, expecting rejection, and receiving kindness.

“No,” he says, and is taken aback by the firmness in his own voice.

Dream’s face twists in an ugly sneer, more inwardly directed than a jab at Tommy. “So that’s what I get, huh? You’re going to leave me alive to suffer?”

“No,” Tommy repeats. “We’re going to fix things. We’ll make them better.”

“That’s impossible,” Dream says incredulously.

Tommy smiles. “Not impossible– just hard. You’re up for a challenge, yeah? I believe in you.”

The sun sets on dead bodies and rubble. The moon rises with a gleam of hope.


	13. Reconstruction, in more ways than one

Reconstruction of the Hermitcraft shopping district doesn’t take long. It wasn’t obliterated the way Old L’Manberg was, and there are a lot of hermits with lots of building materials and lots of ideas on how to make the shopping district even better than it was before. Dream revives everyone from the Dream SMP, even the ones who lost their last canon life in the battle, because “canon lives” are a concept that the dreamon came up with anyway. All the Dream SMP people return to their own server, save Dream himself. Tommy takes Dream to the little forested clearing he knows like the back of his hand by now: the waterfall he’s poured hours and gallons into, the cozy cottage, the library tower which hides his secret underground drug lab.

Tommy considers making Dream a house to live in. It would be spruce and cobble, and match the rest of Tommy’s builds. Tommy’s been meaning to try a trick Bdubs showed him involving trap doors and slabs, anyway.

Instead, Tommy gives Dream a shulker box full of stone bricks, random types of logs, and colored glass, then invites Bdubs and Grian over to help Tommy build a guest cabin, for when people visit him. Dream sits high up in a tree, carving random designs into a shield, and pretends that he isn’t paying attention. Still, once the builders are gone, Dream builds his own house using the advice the two hermits gave to Tommy. It doesn’t match, and it’s awkwardly square. It’s the prettiest thing Dream’s ever built.

Dream mulls over some advice he’d heard Grian depart on Tommy– maybe he should strip the logs in this bit of his house? He doesn’t realize he’s talking aloud. Tommy tosses an unenchanted iron axe at the ground for Dream to pick up. The speedrunner freezes, recalling the many times Tommy’s given him tools, and the explosions that destroyed said tools. But no, Tommy’s got an enchanted netherite pickaxe in his hand, which he twirls idly as he discusses the pros and cons of stripping the logs on the corner of Dream’s house.

The house Dream builds is just one room. It’s got everything he needs: a bed, a double chest, a crafting table (embedded in the floor for conservation of space), a furnace, and an anvil. He spends more time in Tommy’s house than his own. Tommy’s home has a fireplace, with campfires that softly puff smoke out the chimney; the house has a dedicated bedroom with End rods that glow just enough, and in the main room his things are stored in barrels instead of chests even though it’s less efficient this way. A stonecutter perches itself on a raised trapdoor at waist height, sitting placidly next to some sea pickles. 

Jealousy pricks at Dream’s eyes. He’s so smart, he’s the Manhunt champion, a PvP legend, MCC winner. Why does he feel dumb because he doesn’t know how to make a house look like a home?

The hermits don’t extend any offers of help. He thinks they might be wary of him; yet, whenever he meets their eyes they have nothing but kind smiles for him. Are they trying to trick him or something?

Tommy understands. The hermits know better than to offer to help Dream right now. If Dream is anything like Tommy, he’ll accept the help with suspicions of espionage at best, and outright refuse what he perceives as pity at worst.

Tommy imparts what he’s learned on Dream. The role reversal’s irony is not lost on either of them. Still, Dream swallows his pride and learns how to create depth in a build, what an observer clock is, how to craft all the useless pretty blocks that he’d never bothered with before. Tommy’s painstakingly disinfected his own emotional wounds; the hermits have spent months of trial and error trying to learn how to help him heal. Dream’s a speedrunner, and Tommy’s got the strats. He’d sooner die than say it out loud, but now’s his time to practice what he’s learned and help Dream speedrun getting some fucking therapy– one semi-ugly build at a time.


	14. Intermission 4

dasjansel asked redorich: First of all - Yay I can reblog again! Tumblr however immediately decided to give me no notifications at all because I've been off for a day which is, quite frankly, rude. But overall it's just another minor inconvenience of this day that I chose to laugh about it instead.

Second - Rude, ending the part with Ghostbur on his letter and not giving us any resolve! I love it, do it again.

And finally - You said something along the lines of Tommy helping Dream one house at the time. Does that mean, Tommy now has a little village around his house or somewhere in the world? It could be reminiscent of Logstedshire in a way, being somewhere secluded, far away from anything else but even though it's devoid of people, it would not feel as lonely and, well, exile-y as Logstedshire felt. And whenever people visit him and stay for a bit, they could have their own house!

\---

congrats on getting your reblog privileges unrevoked xD ah, as for dream’s Cobblestone Convalescence (haha i just came up with that i am so clever and modest), he doesn’t just build houses. i mean, he does build houses, but he also builds a little farm where tommy shows him what scar taught him of terraforming. then of course he needs a barn to put his crops in. then, since he has a barn, he needs a cute little area for livestock. and once he’s got livestock, why not a pet? and if he’s got a pet, why not a little house for his pet? and so on. by the time dream catches on, he’s already got a little village and he’s in the middle of building a two-story cabin for when george visits him later in the week.

* * *

Anonymous asked redorich: Following the TommyHermit au! I had an idea/prompt. How would Tommy's friend's and family react to Tommy wearing a version of Dream's mask? Or Alivburs coat? How Technoblade and Philza react?

\---

“Hey.” Philza nudges Tommy’s shoulder. They’re sitting on Tommy’s bench together. The sun isn’t setting, and most of the music discs that Tommy bought from Beef were cracked beyond repair during the invasion. It doesn’t mean that the father and son can’t have a moment.

“Hey.” Tommy nudges him back. “What’re you thinking?”

Philza’s thinking about his youngest son holding a sword up to his own neck. He’s thinking about the time when Tommy was seven and skinned his knee falling off of Wilbur’s bike. He’s thinking about how many times he’s fucked up with his sons, wonders how many more times he’ll continue to fuck up–

“You look all grown up, wearing Wilbur’s coat.”

The back of the coat is stitched up in two different places from Philza’s sword going through it. Tommy’s got his mother’s blue eyes. Philza’s a failure of a father.

“Do I?”

Philza laughs. “Don’t tell your brother, but it looks better on you than it did on him.”

Please, please just let him do right by his sons for once.

* * *

skyscream3112 asked redorich: For me, I’d think the Dreamon probably came during the Manhunt days. Little bit of extra luck, extra preparation, a voice to give tips and insights that he might have missed during the rush. Something to help fight if need be. Probably started slipping in further and further with each attempt, no time to fight it or react properly when you’re already on the run from your friends, besides it’s *helpful* isn’t it? Then Dream starts a server, gets a sort of power over other people. Good intentions but well, you’ve got a Dreamon that holds sway over him, taints the server thus causing the canon life thing and the whole ghost when dead. It gets worse and worse, the Dreamon pushes further, they go further because they’re tied aren’t they? They act as limiters for eachother, not too kind and not too cruel. Then the whole Dreamon hunter thing happens and now they’re split, but the Dreamon holds strong. So! You’ve got a Dreamon pushing for Chaos and Dream that’s under its sway but not entirely. The moments of kindness are probably Dream poking out, trying to help people as he can but the Dreamon twists that. Possibly Dream trying to help Tommy out at Logdshire whilst the Dreamon makes it more manipulative, makes it harder. All just speculation tho.

\---

bruh why are my anons smarter than meeeee

i’m sorry i know you were probably expecting me to write something but this is just straight up good. i have nothing to add except that i’m declaring this canon

* * *

amanda-519 asked redorich: after most of the hermits learn what what dream did to Tommy, during mccs Dream finds himself being glared at be the hermits. He can't prove anything, but he swears he's almost trageted during the games, and normally peaceful players turn extremely competitive. He also hears "this is for tommy" under one of their breathes.

\---

The competition brings out the worst in him– the worst, of course, being the dreamon. He doesn’t know how the hermits know about Tommy, but the mere mention of the prey thay got away is enough to make him ruthless.

(Late at night, when he feels more himself, he fears. He fears so much for what this might mean, who he is becoming. He deserves to be targeted in their games. He deserves so much worse.)


	15. The Letter

It’s around the time that Dream returns to his own server, after his Hermitcraft sabbatical, that Tubbo finally decides he’s had enough. Wilbur is Tommy’s own damn brother, and he hasn’t tried to contact Tommy once. Yeah, he’s obviously got some shit to work through, but Wilbur isn’t the only person in the world with trauma, which Tubbo expresses loudly. And angrily. Cowed, Wilbur concedes to write to his brother.

The letter itself is much like Wilbur’s become: rambling, pointless, avoidant. Tommy writes back immediately. Wilbur panics. What is he supposed to do for anxiety? Blue only works for sadness. He’s missed his brother so much it’s a physical ache, beyond the grasp of his non-physical ghostly body. He can’t, he _can’t–_

Tubbo’s accusatory face stands out in Wilbur’s mind, stark and disapproving. With a shaking hand, he pens the truth. Every one of his other letters to his brother has gone through at least ten drafts. This letter is one he sends without bothering to edit in the slightest, before his nerve flees him. In the same instant he hands the sealed envelope to Technoblade to pass on to Tommy, he’s already feverishly planning how he can wrest the letter from Techno, how he can set the cursed thing on fire, how he can wait til Tommy gets the letter and then pretend like it didn’t come from him. Wilbur has no lungs, and he still manages to find a way to hyperventilate. His afterlife is in shambles.

When Tommy reads the letter, it flutters to the ground from between his fingers. He stares at the wall, thunderstruck.

 _Tommy,_ Wilbur has written, _your existence is a happy memory to me but your “death” is not. I wanted so badly for you to come back to me, that when you did not become a ghost as I am, I assumed that you’d rather die forever than forgive me for what Alivebur did. I could focus on nothing but my own self-recriminations, to the point that I began to **forget you** in my pursuits of happiness– or, at the very least, a lack of immolating grief. When I learned this of myself, fear consumed me. _

_News of your survival filled me with elation and dread in equal measures. I was torn between burning myself from the inside out with emotions that blue can’t fix, or forgetting you. **I don’t know what to do.** I want to see you with my own eyes more badly than I want to breathe– well, that’s what I’d say if I was still alive._

_If I leave the Dream SMP, I will surely become Alivebur again. I wish I could say that I don’t want to do that because of the harm that he might bring to you, but the truth is that I am afraid. I do not want to be him again, rotting in the mind, and confronting the horrible things I’ve done._

_What can I do, to become a good person again? Tommy, was I ever a good person?_

_–Wilbur Soot_


	16. Intermission 5

ivorylin asked redorich: Can we have some more of the "misleaded Philza" stuff? Maybe a hermit defending Tommt when Phil visited or comforting him afterwards?

Also, I may or may not have liked and reblogged p much your entire hermit tommy tag. Whoopsi :)

\---

Philza will stand up for his son’s right to be happy, of course, and these hermits make him happy. Yet, Dream’s noxious rhetoric reverberates in Philza’s mind. How does he know that the hermits haven’t brainwashed Tommy? Even if their values are nice, there could be something lurking underneath the surface just waiting to snap its jaws and swallow Tommy whole.

So he watches, and he waits.

He watches Doc help Tommy set up a hidden 20 hertz clock that will annoy the everloving shit out of Mumbo with its noise. He waits for a catch, when Xisuma delivers Tommy a basket full of invisibility potions and asks for nothing in return.

Then they start doing the same to Philza. Stress brings him a flower crown of lilies and clover, simply because she saw the flowers and was reminded of him. He gets sucked into a contest with Grian over who can do the coolest elytra trick.

He goes home. Tommy’s fine with these people. They’ll care for him better than Philza ever did.


	17. Ghostbur

Tommy isn’t ready to return to the Dream SMP. Nonetheless, it’s clear to him that he doesn’t have a choice. The letter that Wilbur’s sent to him is extremely alarming. Tommy can handle some heavy memories if it means forcing his brother to not forget him.

The hermits aren’t ready to see him go either. They’ve only had a month to see him as he is, smiley mask symbolically destroyed by Tommy himself in the invasion. They worry about him, don’t want him to undo all the progress he’s made by returning to the place that traumatized him. He’s not doing this for himself, though. No matter how much he may hate his brothers at times, he’d still walk through hell and back for them.

Dream sets Tommy’s spawn in the holy lands, just in case it was set to anywhere else than spawn. (When he says this, they both know he means the rubble of Logstedshire. They don’t bring it up.) Dream waits by the fence. When Tubbo shows up almost exactly at the same time Tommy does, Dream watches the two hug, and looks away when he sees that Tubbo is still limping. No one told Tommy just how Dream got his location out of Tubbo. Dream is constantly balancing on a razor’s edge, waiting for the atrocity that will finally cause Tommy to give up on him.

The three all go to see Wilbur, who’s taken to haunting the Pogtopia ravine again. It looks nicer, though, different. The buttons are all gone, and Wilbur’s introduced plant life into the place. The potato farm has been repurposed into a flower garden.

Dream murmurs lowly into Tommy’s ear about how Wilbur’s rejected every offer of resurrection that Dream’s given him. He seems to want to stay a ghost. He doesn’t know why. Tommy nods. He already knows.

Wilbur, on the other hand, is just as vapid as ever. It’s strained, though, now that Tommy knows why Wilbur acts so empty-headed. The poor ghost’s brain is a sieve, and it’s started to leak even the happy memories of his youngest brother. His incorporeal hands are stained blue.

Wilbur tells him about the stray cat he saw the other day, and how Sam left him a present and isn’t that nice? Tommy tells him about all the nice things he’s made on the Hermitcraft server, and frowns. Wilbur pretends not to notice. Again, it’s Tubbo who finally snaps.

“Grow the fuck up!” he says. It echoes off the ravine walls. “You’re not respawning because you’re too big of a coward to face the consequences of being a dick. You blew up L’Manberg. Get over it.”

Everyone stares. Tubbo’s changed, Tommy thinks. So has Tommy, but the thought makes him sad anyway.

“… Revive me before I change my mind.”

Dream doesn’t hesitate.


	18. Intermission 6

prettykittylinn asked redorich: hey how do you think the other dream smp members would react to hermit tommy?

\---

It’s creepy how not-violent he is. They think because he’s nice now that he’s turned stupid, that they can take advantage of him for their little pranks. Of course, they don’t mean it like that, they aren’t  _ malicious. _ They just want to have a teensy bit of fun at his expense. 

Except they can’t. Whenever they try to chase him around, just to scare him a little, he’s got that riptide trident  _ and _ an elytra. A fucking elytra! So they try to steal from him, except nothing he has is worth stealing. Stacks and stacks of diamonds are stored away in his ender chest; all his barrels are filled with junk like chiseled quartz and sandstone. And when they try to schmooze him out of his nice shit, he just smirks– he’s not fooling anyone by pretending to be innocent, that’s totally a fucking smirk– and casually gives away a shulker box filled with crap he knows they don’t want, just to watch them grit their teeth and pretend to be oh-so-thankful for the garbage inside the box until he lets them go. They snatch the shulker box and it immediately puts a target on their head, but hot damn it’s worth it!

* * *

Anonymous asked redorich: Idk if u subscribe to this, but the idea of canon deaths leaving scars would be. Interesting, in hermit au... The Hermits seeing Tommy with faint potion burns on his face and arms (The Control Room death), the small but noticable puncture scar between his eyes. They thought those were bad already... then Tubbo shows up covered head to toe in glaring burn scars and they're just. Horrified for these children

\---

Impulse is so weak to children. He knows some of the horrors of Tommy’s past– they all do. Still, the potion burns on the kid’s arms are faint enough that Impulse can choose to believe they’re from a brewing accident and not a death. It’s more difficult to believe the same of the burns which creep up Tubbo’s jaw, rope around his arms, peek out of jacket sleeves and pant legs. Ranboo’s too physically different from a human for Impulse to be able to tell anything, and he’s only ever heard of Purpled. He feels guilty for being relieved.

* * *

Anonymous asked redorich: the hermit!tommy au really got me wanting more qwq im obsessed and i've had raging storms of questions and this is one of them : what happens when tommy finally lets them see what he looks like?

\---

For the most part, they try to act as normal as possible about it. Some of them are not that great at pretending they aren’t staring, though. 

False recalls the time she showed Tommy a neat little trick for fighting, one that works for people like them who are tall and skinny. He said, almost under his breath, that she was kind of like a big sister for him, or something. Now she can see they’ve got the same blue eyes– well, not the same, but close enough that they could pass as siblings. It’s something to think about.

(Bdubs is ridiculously disappointed that Tommy’s mask didn’t give him a tan line.)


	19. Alivebur

Wilbur revives in the hot dog van. He isn’t sure what he does and does not remember.

All at once, it hits him. He sees flashes behind his eyelids, flashes of pushing the button, of _making Techno and Tommy fight in a pit why did he do that,_ of the Final Control Room. He clutches his chest– he’s wearing his yellow sweater again.

He hears his name being called by three different voices: two English, one American. They know what he did, they’re coming for him–

“He’s in the van!”

Wilbur looks around desperately for a place to run. He’s got no tools to dig and hide with, can’t leave the van or he’ll be seen. The door opens.

It’s Dream. _Eleven and a half stacks of TNT._

“Hey, hey,” Dream says with a hint of a smile. “Calm yourself, have a carrot.”

He tosses Wilbur a handful of carrots. They fall on the floor and roll away. Wilbur pulls himself into a kneeling position. (When had he fallen down?)

“I want to be alone right now,” he says.

“No, you don’t,” Dream responds.

Wilbur bangs his fist on the floor, ever one for dramatics. His hair falls wildly in his eyes and Dream is uncomfortably reminded of Wilbur’s dishevelled-bad-boy look, as Dream had privately called it when Wilbur was leading Pogtopia. Now, Dream recognizes the look as pure instability, spilling over into the man’s physical appearance.

“Don’t hurt yourself,” Dream says for a lack of anything else to say.

Wilbur seems to take Dream’s discomfort and quietness as a cue to spill everything in his mind. He’s hysterical, like an over-full blender running without its top on.

“My death was just and everyone rejoiced. I’ll– I’ll do it again, you know. If you keep reviving me, I’ll go insane again and again, and hurt people and destroy because _it’s all I do!_ It’s what I was made for, Dream! If you care about this server you’ll kick me out and leave me to rot all alone in some singleplayer world. Everything I touch turns to ash. They’re all better off without me.”

Dream crosses his arms. “Have you already forgotten why you asked me to revive you in the first place? I thought the whole point of all this is that you’d stop forgetting things. Like your brother.”

“Ah,” Wilbur flinches. “He’d… I’d only hurt him more. Drag him into my schemes, once I inevitably lose sight of my morality again.”

“So you won’t even try?” Dream scoffs.

“Like _you_ care about Tommy,” Wilbur spits, suddenly acerbic. “I remember his death now– or rather, the moment we believed he was dead. I saw the tower he was meant to have jumped off of, I remember the way he looked at the lava ocean. _You_ did that to him.”

Dream cringes. Leave it to Wilbur to pinpoint his nightmares and speak them aloud. The van’s door slams open, and in marches Tommy, followed closely by Tubbo.

“Tommy–” Wilbur blanches. There’s no way that the two teens didn’t hear at least part of what he’s just said.

Tommy sticks out his hand to Wilbur, who stares at it blankly. Tommy shakes his hand in front of Wilbur’s face. Ah. Now he understands. Wilbur takes the hand in his own and allows his little brother to haul him to his feet.

Wilbur stiffens when arms wrap around him. Unbidden fat tears roll down his face. He glues his eyes to the ceiling in an attempt to stop crying.

“…Why?” he asks. “I’m evil, Tommy. Why are you doing this?”

“You’re not evil.”

Wilbur chokes on the lump in his throat. “It’s– it’s my fault. Everything. My baby brother died… Why don’t you blame me?”

“Well, that’s a bit selfish of you,” Tubbo says lightheartedly. “Hoarding all the blame for yourself. I’m the one who exiled him. Dream’s the one who told me to do it, even if there was some possession fuckery going on,” he nods to Dream. “Technoblade’s the one who summoned _two withers._ No one’s free of guilt here. Deal with it.”

They all fall silent.

“Oh, does this mean that Wilbur’s getting a Hermitcraft-therapy-house-building-vacation now?”

Wilbur, Tubbo, and Tommy all turn to stare at Dream.

“What?” the man in question demands sheepishly. “Tommy got one, I got one. I assumed Wilbur was next.”

Wilbur starts laughing. It’s contagious; they all laugh with a tinge of unnamed emotion and just can’t stop, even though it wasn’t that funny.

“I think I’ll stay here for a while,” Wilbur finally says. “I need to stop running away from the things I’ve done.”

Tubbo puts his hand on Wilbur’s shoulder. The president of L’Manberg is two-thirds of Wilbur’s age and nearly a foot shorter. The gesture is comforting nonetheless.


	20. Visiting

Anonymous asked redorich: What if Tommy and a few other Hermits went to the Dream SMP to take care of some business (aka Dreamon + small family reunion for Tommy) and they see Tommy hug these two PvP gods as a ghost floats around them saying, “oh Tommy! You’ve been gone so long! Where did you go?” And seeming quite happy as well. The hermits get to see just how fucked this place is. Tommy told them Techno is by far the richest person on the server yet he only has one stack of diamond blocks. Not a single shulker box to be seen. Phil tells them The End is Off Limits. They get to see the main hub of this world is less impressive than a single of their big builds. They see fighting in the streets. From the other side of walls they hear people threatening eachother. They get to see and experience the comparative hell that Tommy cane from -🐍

\---

Scar’s the one that gets to go first. He and Grian jockey for the privilege, but in the end Scar is the mayor of Hermitcraft, which means he gets to visit the Dream SMP first. (Grian pouts for days.)

Scar wears his very nice mayor sash, and irons his trousers, and keeps his armor in his inventory so that everyone can see his nice apparel. He smiles, and opens his eyes to what is basically a pit. The ground is more creeper-hole than actual ground, and there are mishmash walls all around him. His smile falters.

_< Dream> Oh shit hes at spawn_

_< Technoblade> dream forgot to change visitor spawn, worst admin ever_

_< Dream> Shut up_

_Tubbo hit the ground too hard_

_< Technoblade> TUBBO IS GONE CRABRAVE_

_< ItsFundy> canon death_

_< Tubbo> NO_

“Hey there,” Tubbo says from behind Scar. The mayor yelps, whirling around and nearly falling on his face.

“Sorry to scare you,” Tubbo laughs, “but how about I show you around? After I get my stuff back, that is.”

“Y-yeah,” Scar says, visibly perturbed. Tubbo leads him through a hole in the wall just large enough for them to go through one at a time, then through a small patch of forest. (Do these people seriously not even have a way out of spawn, or a path from spawn to the important locations?)

Dream catches up to Tubbo and Scar right as the town comes into view. They meet up at a patch of ruined land, on which two identical Nether portals are sat.

“Welcome to the Dream SMP,” Dream says with a gesture toward the slightly-broken oak slab path stretching out from the portal. “Sorry I’m late, I had to take care of some business.”

“Business?” Scar asks despite himself.

Dream fidgets with the handle of his axe sheepishly. “Yeah. I sent some of the _troublemakers_ on a wild goose chase several thousand blocks away from here. Hopefully, they shouldn’t bother you.”

“That’s great and all, but I kind of need to get my stuff back,” Tubbo cuts in before Scar has a chance to question Dream.

“Sure, it was near Tommy’s old house, right? Why not show Scar the Prime Path while you’re at it?”

Tubbo smiles, and takes Scar’s hand in his. “Great idea. Come on, Scar!”

Scar allows himself to be pulled along, dodging holes in the “Prime Path” as he does so.

“That way’s Eret’s Gay Castle– you can’t grief it, it’s homophobic,” Tubbo explains, “and up ahead’s Church Prime.”

It’s not much of a church, Scar thinks, given the giant floating poster that’s been left to peel away. Bits of the poster have even been torn off and stolen, leaving only the item frame behind. Still, he knows better than to say rude things about someone else’s religion, even if the state of disrepair… No. He won’t say anything.

Various depictions of anti-Technoblade propaganda still up. They’re so, _so_ ugly. Further along the path there’s a tower that actually isn’t hideous, so it was probably made by– Eret, was it? The same guy who made the Gay Castle? A stray chicken clucks while Scar tears his eyes away from the Walmart which has magma for floors, and the Targay, and the cobblestone framework of what Tubbo claims is a Denny’s which was used once for roleplay and then promptly abandoned.

Tommy’s old house can best be described as “open air”, to put it politely. At least there’s a fence..? But as Tubbo picks up his items and the two set off for L’Manberg, politely ignoring the giant Gogy posters, they hear a scuffle up ahead.

“Let go of my fucking hair!” George shrieks.

“Not until you give me back my potato,” Sapnap responds. The two grown men are fighting like children in the middle of the Prime Path in broad daylight, pulling each other’s hair and slap-fighting but at least– no, never mind, they’ve got their weapons out now.

George shrieks at the top of his lungs when one of Sapnap’s swings gets too close. “It’s rotted anyway, why the hell do you want it?!”

“Because it’s mine,” Sapnap insists. He finally bonks George on the head hard enough to kill him, then scoops the rotten potato out of George’s belongings. His hand toys with a flint and steel, but he eventually seems to decide not to burn George’s items for the offense of stealing his potato.

“Oh, hi there!” Sapnap says once he spots them. He waves.

Scar hesitantly waves back. He’s beginning to think that perhaps he should have worn his armor after all. He watches in morbid fascination as Sapnap takes a bite of his rotten potato. Sapnap’s face drains of all color; he immediately leaps off a cliff to go be sick in a valley away from prying eyes. George’s things are left on the ground.

“Y’know, I think I left the oven on,” Scar says slowly. Tubbo looks at him with sad, pitiful eyes, as if to say, _do you see what I have to deal with?_

“Would you like to go back to Hermitcraft and try again another day?”

Attempting to affect nonchalance and failing miserably at it, Scar waves his hand rapidly. “Actually, Grian really wanted to come see your server, so– maybe I’ll send him. I’m real busy with, uh, mayor stuff.”

Tubbo nods, pretending to buy the excuse. “I’ll have Dream send you back.”

 _“Thank you,”_ Scar says fervently.


	21. Intermission 7

Anonymous asked redorich: Sorry for asking but, maybe some more reactions/interactions between Techno and the Hermits in your au?

\---

Impulse throws back the last of his drink, wincing at the burn. It’s been awhile, and he’s never really been one for alcohol in the first place. Still, it isn’t wholly unpleasant.

Techno’s sat next to him. It’s nighttime, and no one’s in the shopping district, let alone the stat poker bar. The piglin in question idly sips a drink that Impulse can smell from two feet away. He can’t tell if it’s a quirk of piglin biology that Techno seems fine, or if the man is just accustomed to it.

“Jesus Christ, every single one of you people is a child soldier.” Impulse blurts bitterly.

“Not true,” Technoblade says mildly, then snorts. “Some of us are child slaves.”

Impulse looks at Technoblade, really _looks_ at him. The depth of everything that Techno isn’t saying is staggering. It’s so deep that if Impulse goes down this rabbit hole, he’ll surely die of fall damage.

“It’s not fair,” Impulse groans.

“You’re telling me,” Techno says softly. The two men sit in silence for a while after that.

I’m glad you found Tommy,“ Techno says suddenly. "You’re really– you’ve done well by him. All of you hermits, but you in particular.”

Impulse traces the rim of his empty glass with a finger. “Some times it doesn’t feel like I’ve done enough.”

“You’ve done more than you’ll ever realize, I think. For the first time, it’s entirely possible that Tommy’s generation might be the one to finally break this cycle of war.”

“And not your generation?”

“It’s too late for me,” Techno says, and picks up his glass again. He doesn’t drink from it, just holds it as he quietly admits, “I don’t know how to exist without war.”

“Is it really too late, though? You’re one of the smartest guys I’ve ever met, Techno– if anyone can figure it out, it’s you.”

The piglin smiles faintly, bitterly. “I appreciate the thought.”

“No, I mean it.” Impulse straightens up in his chair.

“You don’t understand,” Techno drawls. “I physically cannot give up war. The Blood God will–” he cuts himself off.

Impulse shrugs. “So kill ‘im.”

“…Kill _the Blood God?_ ”

Impulse stands up, pushing his chair back roughly with a creak of wood on wood. “Sure,” he laughs, “why the hell not.”

* * *

Anonymous asked redorich: do you think hermit tommy would ever show everyone glimpses of what happened to him? maybe he has one of the old history books with him,or asks techno to bring him some from ghostbur's library.

\---

He doesn’t really show them with books, or artifacts in general. The hermits have already learned to read what he says like a narrative– as Etho says, looking  _ underneath the underneath. _ Even though there’s so much they’ve learned, having multiple people around who’ve been through the same experiences that Tommy has is enlightening. Not in the way that his older brother, acolyte of the Blood God, enlightens them on Tommy’s violent past with the edge of his axe, not in the way that Tubbo enlightens them on the boys’ perception of friendship with his lurking regret.

Not all of it’s bad. When Fundy yells about how he is  _ not _ a furry and his mother is  _ not _ a literal fish, the hermits learn some interesting things not only about Tommy but about Wilbur as well. 

* * *

Anonymous asked redorich: It’s Blue here! Hello! Glad to know that you’ve seen my stuff, can’t wait for you to reply and read it. Kinda a little upset that it’s not gonna show up until this AU winds down, which isn’t gonna happen for a long time, but it’s cool, bc it means ur popular haha! Could I maybe get Fundy coming to Hermit!Craft to see his Uncle and just being like: “I was born and bred into war, and I’ve seen what it did to Techno and my father. Can I stay w/ u?” Also, Hermits reacting to Tommy being his UNCLE.

\---

Don’t worry, it’ll happen sooner than you think! like i said, i really wanna post this stuff, so if it takes too long i’ll eventually just get impatient and post it xD

As much as I absolutely love the idea of hermit!Fundy, he’d probably be a little reluctant to leave his country, be it L’Manberg or Dry Waters. Also, he attacked the hermits in the invasion, and totally got his ass kicked. That is a thing that happened, unfortunately.

That does, however, raise an idea. Fundy’s The Coding Guy. He does all sorts of plugins and packs, it’s his thing. So he’s working on some sort of plugin when he hears the news: Tommy’s dead. He can’t believe it. So he drops whatever he’s working on to make some sort of scrying plugin, which he can implement client-side (meaning only on himself, because as it is this is toeing the line, if Dream finds out he’s toast). The plugin was supposed to show him how Tommy died by accessing his last moments alive. What Fundy doesn’t know is that Tommy’s alive, so the plugin accesses his current state and location.

After extensive testing, during which Fundy confirms that this is in fact working properly, Tommy is alive, he works day in and day out. For 70 hours straight, he stares at his screen and attempts to locate Tommy. Hermitcraft, the world is called.

Fundy disappears. People don’t think he’s dead, but he never shows up on the tab list. 


	22. Michael

cryptoidfuxer asked redorich: one of joes dogs decides that tubbo is their human now and tubbo unintentionally trains them to be his service/emotional support dog that helps him calm down from a panic attack if he hears fireworks or smth else (idk kid has trauma). Or joe learns about service dogs and intentionally trains one of his dogs to specifically help tubbo and hes like "hey tubbo, i think they like u" and gives him the dog. (xisuma was 100% ok with doing admin bs for an hour if it meant tubbo got more help) also the dog either a. was admin-ed by xisuma to be immortal and not able to be hurt (like permanent regen and several thousand hp) or b. stays in hermitcraft because the dream smp is absolutely not a good place for pets. Also the mental image of tubbo just vibing with a big old dog standing at alert right beside him so he can relax??? amazing.

\---

It’s barely a dog. It’s large like a wolf, has pointed ears like a wolf, growls like a wolf at anything and anyone who upsets the human that belongs to it. Tubbo names his dog Michael. Michael names his human _Friend._

Michael doesn’t much care for explosions– what dog would? But they upset his human, so he prods at Tubbo with his massive white snout and demands pets whenever the rockets go off. When his human starts breathing funny and leaking from his eyes in a way that, were Tubbo a dog, might be crying, Michael is a good pet owner who deigns to let Tubbo cry into thick white fur and perhaps even touch his magnificent tail, until Tubbo is no longer upset.

Tubbo leaves sometimes– quite often, really. Michael doesn’t like it. He doesn’t understand why Tubbo has to leave. If Tubbo is the pack leader of this “L’Manberg”, then why won’t he take Michael with him?

So Xisuma takes it upon himself to craft netherite armor for a dog. It pisses him off so much that such a thing is even necessary, but as he expends levels and diamonds alike hammering enchantments into the doggy-shaped pauldrons, he believes it is entirely worth it.

Michael wiggles when Xisuma puts the armor on him, but behaves because he’s a smart dog, way smarter than all the other dogs at Joe’s dog sanctuary. Michael understands that he has to wear this, so Tubbo will feel Michael is safe. Michael resents this; his teeth are quite enough to fend off any wayward human. Still, humans are silly like that. Michael can put up with this.

Tubbo takes him to his L’Manberg pack. They fear him at first. Good. They should. Yet, the longer he spends around them, the less they fear him, because they have no reason to hurt his human. That Sapnap fellow, on the other hand… Michael pretends to be a dumb, domesticated animal. Lets them underestimate him. If that Sapnap person ever comes for him, Michael will be ready. Sapnap will die, and Michael will show Tubbo his corpse so that he knows Michael is safe.

Michael is such a good boy.


	23. Exile

Anonymous asked redorich: Since Tommy’s getting guitar lessons from the Hermits, maybe he eventually writes a song or two? :o Maybe about the Hermits or his past? I don’t know if he’d perform them (maybe a select few) but maybe it’s also like a way for him to get his thoughts/feelings out. Like a song diary or something idk. Though I can also see him writing a bunch of stupid ones meant to make others laugh lmao

\---

its midnight and im a little tipsy sooooo i wrote a song. 💖

LYRICS:

the light behind your eyes slowly dims  
and once again i find myself all alone  
for forty days and forty nights the dreamy devil by my side  
abandoned by my blood and bone

“maybe it was never meant to be,”  
i tell myself as i just can’t bring myself to scream  
the only one who’s there for me, the only one who cares for me  
is that ruthless motherfucker dream

the greeks knew the score  
i shoulda died a fuckin’ hero  
but now there’s no more war and  
my brother’s just a fuckin’ smear oh

i’m long past aiming for the skies  
now i shoot to kill  
i’ll watch the light drain out his eyes  
and watch his lifeblood spill

i’ve made my home in exile  
i’ve made my home in exile

https://soundcloud.com/user-190792462/exile


	24. Grian's Visit

When Grian shows up, it’s unannounced. Dream has no time to ferry away all the troublemakers. As it is, Grian knows he’s in for a treat because the very first thing he sees upon spawning on the “Prime Path” is a man’s face, right up in Grian’s face; the man is blasting traditional Mexican music and offering to sell him drugs.

Across the street, the moment Grian dares to take his eyes off of Quackity (the drug dealer), a devil-looking man that must be the one named Bad is holding a shrieking, swearing fox-man in a fireman’s carry. Bad slams the fox-man into the unforgiving dirt so hard that the poor fox-man looses at least half his health, in Grian’s opinion. It’s okay, though, because the fox-man rolls around in the dirt and snatches Bad’s ankle out from under him. The two start to brawl on the floor.

A harried-looking woman that Grian identifies from Tommy’s stories as Puffy sprints down the path, obviously aiming to dice Quackity into little drug-dealer-cubes. She doesn’t make it. Tubbo drop kicks her before she reaches her target. Dusting himself off, Tubbo stands and politely puts Puffy’s things in a chest for her so that she can reclaim them once she respawns.

“Hullo,” Tubbo says amiably, leaning slightly to dodge debris caused by an explosion from the general area of Bad and the fox-man’s duel. “What brings you to our humble server?”

Grian smiles. “Oh, just a little challenge I came up with.”

With that, he dumps some water onto the floor and takes off with a riptide trident. In midair, Grian equips his elytra and soars in lazy circles. It would have been easier to just take off with rockets, but using a trident is far more of a flex. (That’s the official story, anyway. Unofficially, he knows better than to set off rockets right in front of Tubbo.)

“Catch me if you can, suckers!” Grian yells. He waits just long enough to hear the clamor caused by his declaration, then rockets away.

These guys aren’t the only ones who know how to be a bit feral.


	25. Intermission 8

sally was actually a nymph who could turn into different animals, which is why wilbur claims he fucked a fish (that was the form she was in when they first met) and why fundy is a fox person. sally left fundy to wilbur because nymph mothers dont have emotional attachments to their children, and a half-human child wasn't worth keeping in her opinion.

one of these days fundy is going to sneeze and turn into a duck, and no one will have a clue why but quackity will laugh his ass off.

* * *

dasjansel asked redorich: Wait, wait, wait! Can you please,  _ please  _ make the half-nymph!Fundy thing canon in the Hermit!Tommy AU? Of course only if it doesn't mess with your story.

But just thinking about the Dream SMP but also the Hermits being highly confused and Tommy, after getting over his initial confusion, laughing so loudly and so heartily that he falls to the floor is as hilarious as it is sweet.

\---

oh it is absolutely canon. fundy has no clue how to control his shapeshifting, but he sneezes and now he’s a fuCKING FISH DAMN IT RANBOO STOP LAUGHING AND PUT HIM IN WATER

wilbur very seriously picks up fish!fundy, looks him in the eyes, and tells him that he is a very handsome fish

* * *

anonymous asked redorich: Fundy and Techno talking and complaining that their animalistic biology betrays their emotions. They receive gifts and are trying to be chill about it but their tails are going a mile a minute and EVERYONE CAN SEE IT’S SO EMBARRASSING. Fundy getting upset and trying to not let it show but everyone can see his ears pressed against his head. Techno’s ears flickering every so often in a direction and everyone staring at him and he can’t explain he’s trying to get a fly away from his face- 💙

\---

Consider: animalistic body language being vastly misinterpreted by humans, and even other hybrids and such. After all, making intense eye contact with a cat is a sign of trust, but making intense eye contact with a dog is an assertion of dominance.

Fundy’s ears flatten, and Philza wonders what he did, because that means Fundy’s upset, right? Nope, it means Philza’s about to get pranked! Techno makes a low rumbly grunt, and Tubbo backs off because that sounds like a growl and we all know that growls aren’t good. Wrong! Pigs make low-pitched sounds when they’re happy!

* * *

mon-berry asked redorich: How does it go with alivebur being back? Does he want his coat back?

\---

i can’t read this message without fucking CACKLING, imagine wilbur revives and the first thing the does is ask for his coat.  **_PRIORITIES_ ** .

* * *

anonymous asked redorich: What would the Hermits do when they meet Ghostbur? Does he just show up during the fight with the dreamon? Like " HEY TOMMY I FOUND A SHEEP " " That's nice Ghostbur, i'm being stabbed right now. "

\---

damn now i wish i’d seen this earlier, this is 1000x funnier than the redemption i’ve written for wilbur. i will say, however, that wilbur keeps up his vapid ghostbur persona even after he’s resurrected, so the possibility of “That’s nice Wilbur, I’m being stabbed right now” is not zero.

* * *

anonymous asked redorich: Honestly I think dream should be scared if grian and the hermits. Most of them have some kind of magic or evil clones, or are just downright insane. Plus they even have their own anime kinnie

Grian has a history with the watchers who are pretty much gods. The convex work with magic, scar was even a wizard again this season. Not to mention that all the hermits work together even if they have tiny fights here and then. Dream runs a server full of betrayals, he can't fully trust anyone who claims they are on his side.

The hermits however, all work together, and they will not hesitate to dropkick god.

\---

Oh, absolutely, the hermits are a force to be reckoned with. Many of them are scary all on their own, but even the mild, unthreatening hermits are dangerous– not because of who they are, but because of what they represent. All the hermits work together, even when they’re at odds. They place their absolute trust in each other on the things that matter. Usually, they all work together to keep their world peaceful, which leads to their effectiveness as a militia being underestimated. However, when they finally get pushed to the brink of their morals, when enough is enough and they’ve decided they’ll fight? They’ll  _ all _ fight, and they’ll pool their resources and skills alike. Suddenly, it’s not so easy to forget how exceptionally talented they all are.

* * *

anonymous asked redorich: how did the hermits react to Drista?

\---

drista really just said “fuck yall i got one hour to make myself canon time to speedrun this bitch” which was absolutely hilarious to watch, but very hard to include in a serious narrative. even the smp’s canon kind of glosses over her in the storytelling, and as much as i loved watching her be a chaotic little fork-wielding gremlin, i’m gonna have to justify her existence by saying she’s a facet of the dreamon. not the whole thing– she’s not  _ that _ evil– but a facet of it.

* * *

lillie-love626 asked redorich: I feel like everyone (the hermits) would, at first be scared of bad until they spend five minutes with him and realize he is like the most innocent person on the smp but he looks so intimidating but he also calls people muffins as an insult. Bonus points if one of the first things they were told is how bad spent like 12 minutes chasing techno but no one tells them that it was to give him a gift. (Sorry if this is a mess, I just kept on getting ideas and started spouting ideas)

\---

But here’s the thing: Bad  _ is _ scary. He actually fits in with the hermits quite well. Bad is the type of person who resorts to words and being nice, rather than immediately defaulting to violence. His idea of a prank is a cute build making a little jab at its intended recipient. At first, the hermits don’t really understand how a nice man like him comes from a chaotic hellhole server.

Then Fundy shows them clips of the Dream SMP’s past endeavors. He just wants to impress upon the hermits that the server isn’t  _ all _ bad, they do cool things too. So, they see HBomb’s incredible jump course game thing, and ooh and ahh appropriately. They see a picture of Eret’s castle, one of the most impressive builds on the server. Honestly, it’s more impressive in how not-griefed it is. 

Fundy gets a little narrow-eyed smug look on his face, then pulls up some clips of  _ the Manhunts. _ Yes, it’s incredibly impressive how Dream pulls off his maneuvers and “one thousand IQ plays”, but something that a few hermits notice is the way Bad acts. In the Manhunts, he bosses his fellow hunters around, and they let him without a hint of punctured pride, because Bad is undeniably the team leader. He’s the best at deception, because he hides everything under a metaphorical smiley mask, rather than a physical one like Dream. The plans that actually work against Dream are almost always Bad’s. He’s a good fighter, better than many of the hermits, but his talents lie in his ability to predict Dream, to think on his feet, to plan things just a few steps ahead of everyone else.

Bad’s scary, but the hermits don’t fear him. He is, after all, a kindred spirit. Kind, but willing to fight to the death for those he cares about.

* * *

skyscream3112 asked redorich: The thing that the Hermits will eventually pick up on is that the SMP started as a Shulker of Gunpowder, it was stable to an extent but with the wrong action it was going to go off massively. But then they added another member and another stack of explosives was dropped atop, each new memeber that “Dream” and Dream added happening to be able to spark off another member in just the right way for havoc. It wasn’t a good place for anyone to be thanks to the instant clashing, especially with all the inbuilt “rules” and limitations, especially with their admin being in the situation they were in. Everyone there needed help, needed healing, but they were thrown into this catastrophe in the making and it kept just getting worse, no one expected things to go as they did but well... the Dreamon did.

\---

Dream’s corruption of the server’s dynamics is slow, creeping, insidious. By the time anyone realizes this, it’s too late. The further the dreamon sinks its hooks into Dream, the more volatile his decisions become. He selects people specifically for their vulnerability, their violent insecurity, then tells them to behave in a way that’s less of an admonishment and more of a challenge.

* * *

waffity asked redorich: Oh I absolutely love your hermit! Tommy I love it so much and I crave more.

How do you think Hermit Tommy will fit into the whole HEP vs Mycelium thing?

\---

Once he’s at the point where he’s processed that this is not a war in which anyone will actually suffer, he decides that he’ll side with the Mycelium Resistance, solely because mycelium is ugly and he loves being a nuisance.

* * *

anonymous asked redorich: Cub sees Hermit!Tommy using the trident-elytra combo early on and casually mentions the Concorp trident-enderpearl golf course from S6. Cue a whole week of Tommy overshooting where he is going with the combo and scaring the absolute crap out of everyone by suddenly teleporting and yeeting himself everywhere in the shopping district.

While it is a different kind of fun from elytra travel (and slightly impractical), Tommy couldn't remember the last time he discovered a new movement mechanic like this and didn't immediately think of how it can be used in combat or in running away. Instead, he is focused on launching the pearl at the optimal moment, right up until he realizes he's not wearing feather falling boots. As he splats, he laughs at the brush of the wind against his skin and velocity of his landing, knowing that no matter what, he'll just respawn.

\---

this is so soft……… it perfectly encapsulates the tone of this au ;w;

(have yall ever noticed that when my anons are better writers than me, i just declare their ask canon? because this is canon)

* * *

randomlyappearingartist asked redorich: After, the war with DSMP and Hermitcraft. How did the members feel, when they realized the war is pointless at best, and horrible for Tommy mental health at worst. Also, I try to follow you, but Tumblr doesn't want me to. :(

\---

They feel kinda bad for destroying some random server’s stuff, but honestly? Violence is violence, and they’re bloodthirsty people. They’re not evil, but..! Well, you’ve seen the clips. They’re glad that Tommy isn’t dead, though.

* * *

imtooaromanticforthis asked redorich: first off- im loving the hermit!tommy au. its making my brain go brr. i also have an idea: dream should be scared of all the hermits tbh. i watch a little more than half of them and the chaotic yet determined energy among all of them should be enough to strike fear into anyone who stands in the way (not to even mention their friends, like w/ scicraft and others teaming WITH the hermits, they would be unstoppable)

\---

Oh God, it’s bad enough that these people are COMPETENT and know how to WORK TOGETHER WITHOUT STABBING ONE ANOTHER, but throw in the fucking feral masterminds like Etho, Bdubs, and Grian? And  _ then _ throw in the fact that some of these people have the SciCraft server on speed dial? Yeah, if Dream hadn’t been literally possessed, he probably would have thought twice before invading Hermitcraft.

* * *

qualquercoisa945 asked redorich: impulse's suggestion being to kill a god is so painfully on brand i love this

\---

i can just imagine it, like one of his redstone-oriented episodes… 

“Well, the villager breeder I made that literally everyone uses due to its insane efficiency and exploitation of game mechanics no longer works due to the 1.16.4 update, so I’m just going to alter my villager farm using big words that no one but redstone wizards understand, and then for fun I will revolutionize sorting systems again because I haven’t done that since 2012 and I’m feeling festive. Oh and after that, I need to go break some bedrock for someone, and after that I will kill the Blood God because he displeases me :)”

* * *

akazia-knows-nothing asked redorich: I like to think that after being revieved wilbur gets immediatley overwhelmed with all the negative emotions and memories he has repressed as ghostbur at once, especially the ones from the end of his life. And he can only barely stand as too many things are being crammed inside his head. But then he hears his brothers voice and after he looks up hes instantly hit by the memory of when he heard that tommy died. And suddently wilbur is all too aware that his little brother isnt dead. Hes here.

\---

That’s what really brought him back inside his own head! He was going off the rails and immediately forgetting his motivations for reviving in the first place. Even Dream couldn’t do anything. But the moment Tommy showed up, he became more receptive to Behaving like a normal fucking human. xD

* * *

anonymous asked redorich: Can you imagine if the blood god didn't even do anything, they see techno and be like 'oh so you're the one that keeps making donation, thank you! now we have plenty, your poor arm tho' and Impulse and Techno sitting there ready to kill him like ‘ohhh yikes’

\---

_ what if khorne (the blood god) also wants to be called papa K like keralis _

* * *

anonymous asked redorich: look I’m picturing Dream figuring out where Tommy is and Technoblade desperately trying to filibuster ala what he did on stream today via loudly selling out, repeating things his chat said, mercilessly bullying dream for being homeless, for being green, and anything else he can bully Dream for, since it appears to be canon that Techno’s panic response is, when it’s not violence, LOUDLY SELLING OUT REPEATEDLY UNTIL THE PROBLEM GETS ANNOYED AND GOES AWAY,

\---

“I know you know something about Tommy–”

“WOW THANK YOU STEVEN FOR THE TWENTY, NO I WILL NOT SAY THAT BUT THANK YOU ANYWAY.”

“You know what I did to Tubbo–”

“I THINK IT’S TIME TO RING THE CHANNEL MEMBER BELL.”

“Technoblade I swear to  _ fuck–” _

“SORRY DREAM I CAN’T HEAR YOU OVER THE VAST SUMS OF MONEY I AM RECEIVING.”


	26. GhostInnit AU

anonymous asked redorich: I was thinking about your hermit!Tommy au, and I got an idea, what if when Tommy originally appeared on Hermitcraft he was a ghost instead of being alive. In the time Tommy spends on Hermitcraft becoming corporeal he haunts the hermits and plays little pranks. This causes confusion because the hermits can't tell who is pranking who. I'm not sure what would happen once Tommy was fully alive again, but I feel like he could make another raccoon bunker beneath someones base and get found there.

\---

He’s a ghost, which kind of sucks. He’s also stranded and exiled on a completely different server from all his friends and family, which also sucks. But on the bright side, he can now turn invisible without a potion, and he can walk through walls. Oh, the possibilities.

Of course, the first thing he does is build a raccoon hideaway underneath someone else’s base. At first, he tries Impulse’s base, but he very quickly remembers that it’s built on top of a literal ocean and as such, its basement is a bit damp. So, he tries False’s base, except it goes all the way down to bedrock. If Tommy were still alive he would have died from fall damage ten times over that day. 

He considers building underneath Grian’s hobbit hole, but the man never even goes there, so what’s the point. He could build underneath the man’s mansion, but there’s already a huge empty space there and the entire back of the mountain that the mansion is built on just doesn’t exist. 

Tommy’s eyes light up at the sight of Keralis’s base. There’s so much going on there that he could literally just move in, not even try to hide himself, and Keralis would still never notice his presence. However, it’s no fun if his little secret base isn’t even secret.

When the answer hits Tommy, it is so obvious that he can’t help but groan at the massive oversight. If he can’t build the perfect base in someone’s basement, then why not build in the attic? There’s a little sliver of space in one of Bdubs’s main houses– the attic is a mishmash of colors, from the wooden roof to the diorite-and brick walls. 

Tommy doesn’t necessarily need to sleep, but Bdubs has a bajillion and one beds, so Tommy steals one with yellow sheets because they remind him of piss. He’s got a single chest filled with random garbage; he keeps anything that could possibly be of value in an ender chest which he doesn’t set down, just to conserve space. He doesn’t need to eat or make potions, so why have a furnace or brewing stand? He doesn’t even have a crafting table. Every time he needs something, he can either steal it from his unwitting roommate or just craft it with one of Bdubs’s crafting tables whenever the man isn’t looking.

Tommy manages to steal one of the Original Twelve Bamboo. It’s entirely possible for him to steal all twelve, but only stealing one is more confusing, and irritating. The bamboo stick stays in an item frame which hangs proudly on his wall.


	27. Intermission 9

anonymous asked redorich: Techno keeps a squid in his Hermit!Craft place where he just.... has it in a glass tank and every so often he’ll just punch it before giving it a healing splash potion when he’s angry, and the Hermits ask Tommy about it when they see him do it and Tommy’s just like: “We don’t talk about it, but basically it has to do with a war.”- 💙(blue heart means me, Blue Anon)

\---

LMFAO the idea of techno just keeping a squid around. someone stops by and they just hear yelling and splashing. they decide that discretion is the better part of valor and never mention what they heard.

* * *

anonymous asked redorich: I read through your Hermit Tommy AU, and I love it a lot!!! Finally my boy gets to heal!!!!! But also, the part in Techno‘s stream yesterday where Dream built that dirt house and blew it up got me thinking. Does he ever do that when he’s recovering in Hermitcraft? Get frustrated with his building skills, and just blow up what he’s made?

\---

Yeah, sometimes progress is like that. You get frustrated, and blow up what you built, but the important part is that you fill in the hole and build something new on top of it. Tommy doesn’t let Dream leave any holes, be they from creepers or TNT. It’s an excellent opportunity to show Dream how to terraform– after all, filling in explosion craters is how Tommy learned.

* * *

anonymous asked redorich: After Tubbo starts visiting, Tommy gets the hermits to help him build a big apiary near his house, full of flowers and trees and everything. He surprises Tubbo with it the next time he joins, and Tubbo almost cries- they spend nearly the whole day there. Since then, they always spend a lot of time there when they're together, and whenever Tommy feels like he misses Tubbo too much he'll go out and tend to the bees.

\---

Awwww, the group project!! Tommy shows Tubbo and all the hermits who helped are just standing in the background, like “look at what we made! :D” The apiary itself has all sorts of flowers, jungle leaves, and lush grass. It’s also tiered, so that it has that vertical component of space, and the glass walls are made of clear, white, and light gray glass for that gradient effect. (Etho is so smug that his “free glass” was actually useful.)

* * *

anonymous asked redorich: oh, wilbur keeps the same clueless personality of ghostbur after ressurection? does that mean he still doesnt remember anyhting??

\---

oh no, he’s a very smart man and he remembers everything, he just pretends to be a moron because it’s funny and he can piss people off easier this way. :D

* * *

anonymous asked redorich: I love hermit Tommy au but my mind keeps spitting out ideas for Tubbo and Tfc interactions like as a side story to the au.

Tubbo just hanging out with Tfc not sure where to go. He busies himself with helping the bearded hermit who's agreed to keep quiet about him being there {even if he entered the server in a VERY not allowed way} and even offering him shelter.

Basically, tubbo be like "aaaa idk if i should go talk to him he seems happy and he might hate me. Im happy to see him alive and well but he might not be happy to see me" and tfc just listening to him while he mines like "aight"

\---

TFC: this random child entered my home so i sat him down and gave him something to eat, i think he’s mine now. he’s talking about his problems. at least he carries stuff around for me.

* * *

anonymous asked redorich: I just know that Tommy would be so terrified if any of the hermits held TNT around him because whenever TNT was involved in the SMP it caused Wilbur to blow up L’Manburg, caused Dream to blow up TNT at the gates of og L’Manburg, whenever Dream told Tommy to take off his armor Dream blew it up, and when Dream blew up Logstedshire.

Adding onto this, Tommy would hesitate to go near any buttons on any walls - having to stop your older brother from pushing a button that could literally rip the country you’ve been fighting for, for the past month out of your hands does something to a man along with Erets betrayal in the control room - and the hermits would be so confused and would try to calm down Tommy.

\---

Consider: Grian is known for compulsively pushing every button he sees. He’s also been established as the hermit who most reminds Tommy of Wilbur.

* * *

anonymous asked redorich: If the Hermits ever learned about Niki’s plan for the secret city, like maybe just overhearing a conversation or her asking for tips for larger builds, I think one of them would just hug her like “thank god you’re actually normal and also how do you put up with this place”

\---

Scar: HEY GUYS I FOUND A NORMAL ONE

Niki: wait what?

Scar: SHE ACTUALLY PUTS EFFORT INTO MAKING HER BUILDS LOOK NICE, CAN WE KEEP HER

* * *

anonymous asked redorich: could you imagine how heartbroken and horrified the hermits would be if they found out about how Tommy would stare at the lava in the Nether, or the tower in Logstedshire? the heartbreak that comes from realizing that a child was driven to those urges? and what if they find out that Tubbo exiled Tommy? his own best friend, turning against him. the hermits have to wonder, does this kid - this literal kid - even have anyone left?

\---

Of course he has someone left– he has all the hermits! Whenever he looks at lava a bit too intently, someone’s there to crack a joke or show him a crafting recipe he didn’t know. They learn to read his body language in lieu of reading his face. Whenever he’s sad, they pick up on it, and he’s got a dozen different people all thinking up ways to make him happy again.

* * *

anonymous asked redorich: in your hermit!tommy au, i was wondering how long it took the hermits to put together that tommy’s a teenager? like, did any of them just see him and go ‘child’? or did it take a few days, or even weeks?

\---

He’s taller than a lot of the hermits, carries himself like a man who’s fought and won and lost in equal measures. He’s quiet, and oh so very sad. The longer the hermits spend trying to unravel the weave of secrets and tragedy about the man, the more receptive he is to them, and the more open he is with himself. 

A few days in, Tommy actually speaks when spoken to on occasion. Two weeks in, he shares inconsequential knowledge about himself: he likes cobblestone and the queen. He dislikes fireworks. A month in, he starts cracking jokes. They’re all awful. His sense of humor is absolutely juvenile.

It is. It’s juvenile, but perhaps so is he. 

Two months in, Stress catches him building an obsidian penis in Scar’s Aquatown. Tommy’s voice cracks when he hides the block in his hand behind his back, as though he isn’t standing right next to the large, phallic evidence.

Stress should have known. He can’t be a day over twenty. (If only she knew.)

* * *

anonymous asked redorich: I just realised- Hermit!Tommy still has Phukkit, doesn’t he? How would the hermits react to him with pufferfish? Heck, how’d they react to him eating one?

\---

He just keeps shoving them in his mouth. No, of course they’re not poison, he insists, I’m just feeling a bit under the weather. Poison damage? Surely not. I know what’ll make me feel better: another pufferfish.

They’d ban him from warm oceans altogether if they could. Did Tommy actually spend hours grinding for pufferfish, or did some knucklehead give them to him?

* * *

anonymous asked redorich: I also have ADHD, and I literally stared at the ceiling or just spaced out for 30 minutes just staring and maybe humming a song subconsciously, AND Techno is confirmed ADHD. AU where the voices aren’t actually “voices”, but actually just Techno’s thoughts running around his head on pogo sticks like every ADHD person’s do.-💙

\---

YES. have you ever had two songs stuck in your head at the same time? how about three? my entire ninth grade experience was just be my bad boy (cascada), everytime we touch (cascada), and evacuate the dance floor (cascada) all playing at the same time with a backdrop of screaming. no this is not an exaggeration. anyway that’s kinda what i imagine techno’s “chat” to be like

* * *

anonymous asked redorich: How does Scar react to the Prime Log after visiting the DreamSMP?

\---

He doesn’t know about the whole thing behind Church Prime; he was too scared to actually enter the building.

* * *

mushi-bami asked redorich: what if the hermits were planning a festival and tommy was asking shifty and nervous all day and the hermits couldnt figure out why but then they were like asking him like "why did you seem off all day? like are you ok?" and he tried to make a joke and was like "aha my best friend was executed at a festival lololol funny am i right??"

\---

Oh shit. He laughs longer and louder than any happy person would. His lips thin and his face pales when Tango mentions crafting some fireworks for the festival. It is absolutely imperative to the hermits that they help Tommy make some happy festival memories. They suspect they’ll never be able to overwrite November 16th, but they can at least dull the edge of festival memories.

* * *

anonymous asked redorich: If Tubbo came to visit Tommy, wouldn't he love xisuma's bee skin?

\---

omg he would!! in fact, they might even paint a set of leather armor or something for tubbo. bee armor wearers unite!

* * *

anonymous asked redorich: Imagine before Tommy and Tubbo reunite one of the hermits leaving Tommy someplace for a few minutes and him being bored looks through chests and finds a boat. ‘No one’s around’ he thinks, ‘I’ll return it when I’m done, anyway’. Aforementioned hermit comes back to Tommy being a Tubboat. Upon hearing the story behind it, the hermit smiles and joins him, happy that he can still appreciate the better moments in his life.

Bonus: On one of Tubbo’s first visits on the server, he spawns in and he and Tommy just fool around being Tubboats in the shopping district much the the amusement to the hermits. They’re just glad the both of them can take time to act their age for once.

\---

This is so precious. I love it ;w;

* * *

anonymous asked redorich: I love the hermit!Tommy au and I just can't stop imagining the hermits learning that everyone in the dream smp are just a bunch of really traumatized individuals and slowly adopting every single one of them

\---

The process is already underway. There is no stopping them. Having a Dream SMP pet/adoptee is practically tradition by now in Hermitcraft. Quick, find a traumatized soldier to imprint upon!

* * *

anonymous asked redorich: Hey what if flicking levers is a nice stim for Hermit!Tommy? He likes the sound and it’s easy to do but it also takes a bit of force, plus it’s repetitive and can be done as much and as long as he likes. No one would get mad over him just flicking a lever. 90% of the time it’s not even connected to anything. He flicks every level he sees, Just like Grian and buttons. Though, the hermits have noticed, for some reason Tommy doesn’t like buttons. -🐍

\---

Tommy flicks levers as a stim. Most of them aren’t even connected to anything. Mumbo and Impulse alike often keep a few levers on hand outside of their redstone boxes, just for when Tommy drops by, just like how Joe collects pretty spools of thread for Cleo to fiddle with, and like how Tango always has a few ender pearls for Zedaph to squish.

* * *

anonymous asked redorich: Okay, but Tommy accidentally running into one of the Boomers jobs and panicking for a minute before they manage to explain that they aren't blowing up someone's base, they got asked to do this.

\---

Tommy immediately asks for an internship. Getting paid to blow up people’s shit? It’s almost too good to be true.

* * *

anonymous asked redorich: How would Hermit!Tommy react to all the deaths from the turf war minigames? Would he see the messages of players killing each other and freak out thinking that maybe they turned on each other? Or maybe that he was stuck in a nightmare? -💣 (I'm a new anon)

\---

Ah, at that point in the story, I think he’d actually be okay with it! I’ve tentatively placed him on the side of the Mycelium Resistance. Hermits on both sides are a bit hesitant, knowing that placing Tommy into a war-simulating environment may go poorly, but he actually ends up having a lot of fun!

* * *

harley-the-pancake asked redorich: Hear me out: Eret also going with Fundy to Hermitcraft. They’re tired, tired of just being a pawn, tired of having to hold their tongue, and when Fundy said that there’s a world that Tommy’s in and he’s going there, they can’t help but wonder if they can be free there too

\---

OMG!! eret and fundy build a nice house together. it’s all very cottagecore (yes i know i give everyone a cottagecore arc, i am a lesbian and it is my prerogative) they and the hermits live in a distant peace: eret and fundy buy things from the hermits, like food and tools and block in excess. in exchange, fundy writes little bug fixes and plugin tweaks, and eret makes pretty homemade things to sell in a little cart in the shopping district.

god now i’ve made myself jealous, i want what they have xD

* * *

anonymous asked redorich: how would hermits react to wilbur (i mean the "i eat sand" side of wilbur)

\---

Wilbur and Bdubs get into a very lengthy, impassioned discussion about the merits of eating sand. Scar nods sagely. Has Wilbur ever considered eating diamonds?

Bdubs gains a newfound disdain for anteaters.

* * *

anonymous asked redorich: Ok so I've devoured your hermitcraft! Tommy au and am in love with your writing style!!! I was wondering if you could possibly expand on what the hermits think of Ranboo and Purpled also being of a similar age to Tommy and clearly growing up in similar situations? Your au is so cool~

\---

Unfortunately for the narrative, Ranboo and Purpled both stay in the Dream SMP for the most part. Purpled wasn’t one of the fighters in the invasion, so the hermits only know of his existence secondhand. 

Ranboo, on the other hand, drives himself into a bit of a tizzy when he receives a little gift basket from some of the hermits a mere week after the invasion. He’s especially nervous since one of the names on the little note is Impulse, the guy who Ranboo killed.

No matter how thoroughly he investigates the contents of his gift basket, they do not change: it’s literally just snacks, a handmade scarf, a netherite hoe, and an assortment of various unusual blocks like coral or a target block.

It’s a bit warm for the scarf in L’Manberg, but he gives in to the enderman impulse to carry the new blocks around. He likes it.

* * *

anonymous asked redorich: holy crap the hermit!tommy au part about scar visiting the smp is just so good!! since scar said he would send grian to go to dreamsmp instead of him, i think it'd be so in character for him to be unsettled by the regular day-to-day of the dreamsmp citizens, but also in awe of just how different it is to hermitcraft. i think he would love learning everything about this new culture -🎧

\---

Uh, yeah, awe is a polite way to put it. He wants to learn about this new culture, true, but every time he tries he witnesses at best a minor act of violence, and at worst a travesty against aesthetic appeal.

* * *

archetypical-archivist asked redorich: A headacanon thing for Ranboo and the hermits- Ranboo's kleptomania extends only to blocks, so when a few of the hermits get together to try and figure out who the thief is, their first few attempts at baiting the trap don't work because they bait it with ingots and loot. It's only when Scar places down a sponge by mistake that they actually catch Ranboo, who is very startled. In a fit of panic to explain his actions, he claims that he thought the sponge was cheese and that he was just hungry.

\---

THIS IS SO ON BRAND ASLKDJF;ALKSDJKFD;FA

* * *

anonymous asked redorich: So with the hermit!tommy Au, have the hermits met Wilbur? Since there’s no way they haven’t herd about him. Right? Anyways when he is more mentally stable would they meet him? Now I wanna know •,•

\---

Yeah, the day he finally meets some of the hermits is an interesting one. They’re actually taking a bit of a field trip to the Dream SMP, instead of the other way around, and Wilbur’s recently been getting better about interacting with people. He spends the entire time the hermits are present talking about eating sand and rocks, and making fun of Niki for eating  _ dirt, can you believe? _ He twiddles with a brewing stand while he talks about things that make absolutely no sense.


	28. Technolore/SBI

anonymous asked redorich: Technolore??!!!! Technobackstory! Is it related to the quip about being a child slave in that intermission post a while back?

\---

Out of the like ten people who asked me this, you’re the only one who picked up on that little hint I dropped. Congrats!

Techno doesn’t like to talk about it much, for obvious reasons. He’s a piglin, not a human, and while most piglins aren’t much more than humanoid animals, Techno has always been different. His intelligence is what gets him noticed. There’s a lot of stuff that happened to him as a child, because he got noticed.

Gladatorial combat is cool. It’s fun. In the modern age, it’s basically an old-timey wrestling match, but with swords. You pay to see some dudes fight ‘til one of them dies, and then they respawn and shake hands and it’s all very proper. To Techno, age six, gladatorial combat means soaking your hands with the blood of other children, even when there’s not an audience. _Practice makes perfect,_ the ~~owner~~ manager would say. The ones who survive long enough to graduate from fresh meat status know better. Practice breaks them in, makes them malleable. In the pit of dead humans and hybrids alike, of all ages, Techno learns not to weep. 

It stays in the pit.

He’s good at fighting, remembers what he learned from peeking over bastion walls and watching the brutes practice. He watches the older kids in the pit, forces himself not to look away. They’re human, but they’re similar enough in stature that he can mimic them.

His little hands aren’t human. They can’t hold a sword like a human would. A girl not much older than him, but much taller (enderman hybrid, people say) shows him how to adjust for the presence of claws. It’s not quite right, but it works better for his hoof-nails than the human way does. He kills her for an audience, with the same grip she taught him.

Technoblade quickly becomes a fan favorite– less for his remarkable skill and outstanding win-loss ratio, but because he is a novelty. No one has ever seen a smart piglin like him. They examine his ears, his tusks, the curve of his knees on his digitigrade legs. (They’re unguligrade, actually, but Techno knows better than to correct them.) They hand him tiny nuggets of gold like a parent would dole out candy, because he’s a piglin and piglins like gold, right? A little treat for a rising star.

He hoards his gold preciously. Anyone who tries to steal it meets their end in the pit. Techno waits and he plans. He begins to hear the dull roar of the audience in his head, even when he’s alone. There are whispers in there, intertwined so neatly that he can only barely hear them on the periphery of his consciousness. The voices demand blood and violence– business as usual– but the whispers are different. They tell him a story of gods and men, of a god bestowing preternatural intelligence upon a squalling infant, so that it may become his champion.

Techno’s everyone’s champion (except his own), which means that he gets privileges that the others don’t. The others despise him for it. He must defend every scrap of favoritism he receives with his life. He never receives anything that will directly aid him in a fight; that’s too dangerous to give to anyone who exists outside of the ring. But he receives a weak healing potion, nearly expired, after a match more bloody than usual, occasionally spends time being dressed up and paraded around instead of in the pit, and– _oh._ Finally. Finally.

The manager gifts him an apple. It’s a little shrivelled, likely plucked from a tree a handful of days ago. Techno knows he only received the gift because the manager has no use for it, can afford to waste food. Techno remembers, hazily, his older cousins crafting a wonderful, beautiful item that the humans stole off their corpses: a golden apple. He sequesters himself away in his room, feverishly crafts his magnum opus, and runs to the manager.

The manager’s office is simultaneously ostentatious and bare. They step out from behind their desk to greet Techno, smile strained in a way that speaks volumes. If this doesn’t go right, he’ll be spending time in the pit. He takes a bite of the golden apple, nearly chokes on it– draws his stone sword, pockmarked with battle and not gleaming in the slightest–

Techno’s bleeding so much he can barely stand, but the manager’s head is deposed from their shoulders. The young piglin, in a fit of righteous pique, snatches the bloody golden crown from the floor, where it’s fallen off the manager’s head, and wears it for himself. It’s too big.

The floor-to-ceiling mirror to the left of the manager’s desk shows a broken, scarred child with wide eyes and a tilted crown. Techno imagines that one day, he’ll look in the mirror and see a piglin strong enough to take on the world, and big enough to wear his crown properly.

* * *

anonymous asked redorich:

'I've already got a backstory planned [for techno], but no one's asked yet. ' I AM ASKING, I AM ASKING VERY INTENTLY!! please, the prospect of that has me very excited!

-The techno stream asker

\---

Philza has no idea who this child is or how he’s managed to find himself so far away from home; most people in this world have never even seen a piglin before. Still, he can’t just ignore the kid practically begging for scraps in the most dignified way he can– doing odd jobs, offering to kill anything and everything for money, menial labor.

Philza offers the kid a job. It’s simple, not even that difficult. Philza wouldn’t have much of a problem doing it himself. (The child doesn’t seem to pick up on this, thankfully.) In exchange for a few diamonds, the child named Technoblade agrees to help Philza move his many books from his apartment on the edge of town to a little isolated chalet a few miles out. 

Technoblade doesn’t talk much, withdraws into himself the more Philza tries to make idle conversation about some of his favorite books, so the human drops it. They walk in grateful silence. Once they reach the house, Philza invites Techno inside and offers him a hot meal in exchange for help in organizing the books. Techno accepts warily, almost guiltily.

The piglin’s hands clench around the hardcovers as he examines them intently. He puts them on the shelf in a seemingly random order, then his face screws up and his right ear flicks.

“I can’t read,” he admits angrily.

Philza gently takes the books from the child’s hands. They spend the afternoon poring over the alphabet, and an hour in Philza realizes that he– not the child, but Philza himself– is a lost cause. He’s already making plans in his head to make Technoblade his apprentice, already plotted out where on the house he can add a new room, already thought up lesson plans for literature and potion-brewing and everything that Philza knows, even though he’s barely an adult and has no idea what to do with a child.

It takes three attempts to get Technoblade to even believe he’s being serious. Every day that the two share is an uphill battle, but the two learn from their mistakes and make all new ones. Each time the cycle repeats, they become just a bit closer as friends.

* * *

anonymous asked redorich: Can we get more Technoblade backstory and him growing up with the sbi please?

\---

One of Techno’s favorite things to learn from Philza is magic. It can do all sorts of things he’s never dreamed of, and more importantly it can never be taken away from him.

When Wilbur comes along, things change. It’s not entirely bad, Techno thinks. Sure, he has to share Philza, but he’s also got a brother to protect now. Neither of the boys have a birthday, so they decide to share that too. Wilbur is a quick study, in an entirely different way from Techno.

Wilbur is passionate about stories. He loves to tell them. Techno loves to listen– not for the content, but for the dissection. He reads slower than Wilbur, having less practice, but when Wilbur reads aloud to him, Techno gets the chance to dissect the subject matter. He analyzes the antagonist’s character motivations, the rise and fall of tension within the subplot that will motivate the characters to reach the denouement. Wilbur just likes the dramatic monologues.

Techno sees his human brother, with dark curly hair and bright eyes, all long limbs and soft sweaters. He sees his pseudo-father, with pale hair and eyes and skin, strong and lean. He sees himself in the mirror. Techno is shorter than his brother, but not by much; stocky and built to take hits as well as he delivers them; darkly pink-skinned, with bits of fur. His hair is pink, not a human color, and his eyes are pale blue, unlike what he remembers of his piglin family. They all had deep black eyes.

He likes being a piglin, but. Sometimes, he wants to look like his family. They’d insist, if they knew his thoughts, that he is one of them regardless of species, and he agrees. Still, if Wilbur can imagine himself as a piglin or a werewolf or whatever fantasy he’s cooked up this week, then Techno can imagine what he might look like as a human. The only difference is, Techno is uniquely skilled with magic in a way that Wilbur is not.

Philza comes home one day to two young boys, nearly identical. Wilbur’s face is one he knows like the back of his hand. The other boy has the same dark hair, only less curly and more fluffy, almost like fur. The straight bridge of their nose is the same, the pronounced cupid’s bow curving in delight identical. Their eyes are hooded and round, but where Wilbur’s are dark brown, the other boy’s are blue paler even than Philza’s own. The kids could pass as twins.

The new kid opens his mouth and out comes Techno’s voice. He is so proud of the magic he’s done, how he learned to turn into a human and back into a piglin at will. He whines, in a way that Techno never does, about how being a human sucks, actually, you people can’t even smell anything. Philza nods numbly as Techno casually creates an entirely new branch of magic, and then offers to show Wilbur how to turn into a piglin so they can match that way too.

His kids are too smart for their own good.

* * *

anonymous asked redorich: May I perhaps inquire about more along this line? Techno has met neither Willbour nor Tommy yet, and I am quietly vibrating with the possibility of those events.

\---

For you, I’ll let the cat out of the bag~ xD The truth is, even Wilbur doesn’t know. He just... came into being one day, and snagged a job helping in one of the town’s minor libraries. He’s always known how to read. The minute he picks up his first guitar, he knows how to play it, but not why. The same doesn’t work for the piano or the flute.

Wilbur’s library shuts down and none of the other libraries will give him a job because he’s so young. Of course, Philza apparently collects orphans now, much to his chagrin, so Wilbur has far fewer books to manage now but some of them actually belong to him this time. And his new brother listens to him when he reads aloud, instead of shushing him! Wilbur isn’t the most motivated at learning magic, but that’s not the only lesson Philza can impart.


	29. Intermission 10

anonymous asked redorich: I am a Slut for the thing where someone tells Tommy to throw down an item and he just starts handing over everything,, may I have. more? your writing is fucking fantastic

\---

Tommy’s come a long way, but progress isn’t linear. If he were the type of person to give a shit about math, he’d say it’s really closer to a sine wave. Ups and downs, crests and troughs. He’s grateful for his friends, though– it’s thanks to them that his crests are a little higher each time he hits them, and his troughs aren’t as deep as they were prior.

This belief is challenged by an unfortunate choice of words on Zedaph’s part. The poor man couldn’t have known. Zedaph invites a few people– False, Xisuma, and Tommy– over to test some inane creation of his. It involves a very creative use of bubble columns and dead coral and an automatic chunk loader. Tommy tunes out the moment he hears the word  _ comparator _ being bandied about.

He tunes back in to Zedaph asking the group to take off their armor. Tommy knows, intellectually, that the hermits are his friends in a way Dream was not, and that what Dream did to him was wrong. Still, he can’t help but fall back on old habits. The group of hermits watches bemusedly as Tommy digs a hole. They wonder what sort of bit he’s pulling when he tosses his armor in. 

Zedaph gasps when Tommy throws his tools in, all at once realizing what’s happening. Zedaph hadn’t been there when Tommy did the same thing in front of Tango, but he’s quick enough to grab Tommy’s wrist before he gets the chance to place the TNT. The two men are at a loss for words; Xisuma and False are only just now getting the feeling that something is wrong here.

“Tommy, where are you?” Zedaph says seriously. It’s a tone he almost never takes, and it sends shivers down the spines of everyone gathered for its unnaturalness.

“…Your base?” Tommy says nervously.

“Good,” Zedaph placates. “Who is here with you?“

Tommy looks around. “You, False, and Xisuma. What’s all this about?”

False has to lean in to be able to hear what Zedaph says next, so barely above a whisper it is.

“Dream’s not here, Tommy.”

The words elicit a full-body shudder from the masked man. “Right,” Tommy says shakily, “Dunno what I was on about there.”

Xisuma edges closer to Tommy, wary of getting too close and crowding the young man with the bulk of his armor. He puts a gentle hand on Tommy’s shoulders. “Do you want to go home? You can try Zedaph’s machine another day.”

False kneels down into the pit to retrieve Tommy’s things. He equips his armor as it’s handed to him.

“No,” Tommy says, then smiles. They can’t see it, but they can see the shift in his demeanor. “Thanks for helping me, but I think I’m okay now.”

* * *

anonymous asked redorich: oh my god your hermit craft AU is everything I've ever wanted. It's really made me realize in story how messed up the DreamSMP is, especially when compared to hermit craft. However, a girl does love angst. What would've happened if the hermits failed to stop the SMP from "rescuing" Tommy? Like if they fell in battle or Technoblade wasn't able to send his message in time?

\---

Dream takes a moment to think, once he gets the information he wants from Tubbo. The kid will probably be able to walk again, it’s fine. Dream holds his own against the familiar tidal wave of rage that consumes him at the mere mention of Tommy.

His first instinct is to include Technoblade in the party, to bring him along for the sheer scale of destruction the piglin will be able to cause. However, once he thinks about it, Dream realizes how blind he’s been. Obviously, Technoblade already knows about Tommy’s continued obstinate refusal to just  _ die _ . Dream absolutely cannot have Technoblade leaking the plans for the righteous invasion of Hermitcraft, cannot have Technoblade interfering with Tommy’s reclamation.

So, he doesn’t.

Technoblade gets a frantic text from Tommy.

_ <TommyInnit> OH MY FUKCGIN GOD DREAMS HERE HESD ESTROYING EVERYTHIGN EVRYOEN IS DYING PLEASE HELP _

Techno’s always been inclined to fits of panic. As a man, he is drowning in it. The chat bolsters him, though, pours molten magma through his veins from head to cloven toe. Yes, Technoblade is anxious, but above all he is  _ furious. _ How dare Dream, how dare he touch what belongs to Techno?! In short order, his inventory is filled with potions, ender pearls, explosives of all variety, arrows tipped in the nastiest brews he can make. It doesn’t matter. Anything and everything is a weapon in his hands.

Possessed or not, Dream will not live to regret what he’s done.

* * *

anonymous asked redorich: The idea of Stress becoming a mother-like figure for Tommy is living rent free in my brain right now, lol. I can't help but try to think what she'd do if he accidentally called her Mom. And what would happen if Phil hears that Tommy does that?! xD I feel like it would be pretty interesting lol // -🦊

\---

It just sort of slips out. Tommy doesn’t really remember his mom much, anyway– he imagines that a mom would be, honestly, kind of like Philza. Stress gives Tommy a pat on the head even though he has to lean down to let her, then hands him a soft lilac basket full of cookies and tells him not to eat them all at once or he’ll get sick. He rolls his eyes and says, “Yes,  _ Mom, _ ” and the two of them laugh about it but he sees Philza from a distance and the man looks  _ stricken _ . Like so many other things, they don’t talk about it.

He invites Philza to make cookies with him in one of the many guest cabins in Tommy’s clearing, even though Philza doesn’t care much for sweets and Tommy’s got more than enough. The cookies come out burnt and misshapen. Stress’s cookies are way better. The two men eat the crappy cookies anyway, and try their best to make some new happy memories.

* * *

anonymous asked redorich: Hi, I've been binge reading your hermit!tommy au, and I was wondering, would Tommy ever make a mistake that he thought was really bad and run away so he didn't get hurt?

\---

There’s nowhere he can really run to, but he can certainly make a valiant effort. Running away, he feels, is preferable to exile, because at least if he runs away it’s his choice. 

Tommy pranks Cubfan’s pyramid by building a giant shit emoji on top of it. He thought it would be funny– it adheres to Grian’s Prank Protocol– but he supposes he must have crossed some sort of line because he receives a note from Cub that reads, “This. Means. War.”

(He doesn’t know that Cub only ever intended to escalate the prank war by moving every block in Tommy’s base slightly to the left. Cub doesn’t realize that Tommy has a Thing about war.)

Equipped with an elytra and a riptide trident, Tommy makes it 40,000 blocks away before Xisuma teleports to his location. The young man is proud, but he is even more exhausted. He leans on Xisuma’s shoulder (just about collapses, really) while the admin explains that Cub does not, in fact, intend to burn Tommy’s home to the ground and kill everything he holds dear. The masked man nods tiredly. He doesn’t quite buy it, but if Xisuma says so…

* * *

anonymous asked redorich: Ok so I was going back through the posts for the nth time and I saw the demise game one and I know Xisuma’s already explained that there’s no canon lives but just,,, I raise you this.

Tommy, unaware of the game and coming across one of the other hermits, but they’re in their ghost costume but _Tommy doesn’t know this_ so they just go to say hi but stop because Tommy’s just looking at them in horror, they’re _grayed out they look like Wilbur no no no no not again_ he’s crying the other hermit sees a tear fall down from behind the mask and are instantly worried because they don’t know what’s wrong and go to comfort him but he just kinda stumbles back muttering the same thing to himself _no no no no not again not again not this w h y_ and after a bit they’re finally able to get close enough to hug him and he just stiffens for a moment because _ghosts can’t touch people how-_ and then when he realizes they’re not actually dead he just sinks into the hug and is trying his best to hold in the sobs as the other comforts him. he fails \- Moon anon (bonus points if the hermit in the ghost costume is Grian bc he reminds Tommy of Wilbur so double angst)

\---

Grian goes through his old things from the last season and finds his Demise costume. He feels like dressing up, and he’s never much been one for impulse control, so he does, and takes the opportunity to go jumpscare his friends.

Tommy isn’t even on his list of people to scare; he’s actually on his way to prank Mumbo when he runs into Tommy. It’s dark, and Grian can only vaguely make out what Tommy’s doing: making an observer clock, and hooking it up to… doors. Ha, good one.

Tommy turns. He sees Grian, and takes a step back. “I thought you had infinite lives,” he whispers. “Why are you a ghost?”

Grian blinks, tilts his head. “Ooo,” he says spookily.

“You look like Wilbur,” Tommy mumbles. 

Oh, he’s breathing quicker. Oh no, this isn’t good. Grian abandons the pretense of ghostliness– shit, Wilbur’s the dead brother, isn’t he?

Grian wraps an arm around Tommy, awkwardly rubbing a circle into the taller man’s shoulder. “Hey, hey, I’m not a ghost. I’m just dressed like one. Breathe in, breathe out, there you go. Feel my hand? I’m alive. I was going to prank Mumbo, but it looks like you got here first.”

Tommy’s entire frame shudders. “Sorry. Bad memory,” he rasps.

“I figured.” Grian runs his free hand through his hair, then sighs. “Wanna go prank Iskall together?”

“…Got another ghost costume?”

* * *

anonymous asked redorich: Wels catches hermit! Tommy stealing and goes "yep. Time to take this child under my wing"

So he teaches tommy how to be chilvarous, to not cuss people out when fighting and maybe how to build or fly too.

A little bit goes by and he's thinking Tommy hasn't picked up a thing but really Tommy had been practicing hard.

Wels is about to give up when Tommy gives him a proper knight bow and a thank you and Wels is almost in tears, he's so proud

(I think tumblr has been eating my asks I'm so sorry for spamming if it isn't I just really wanted to see your take on this)

\---

Tommy and chivalry? At first glance, most hermits can see it’s going to be a lost cause. The only person Tommy ever treats with total and consistent kindness is Stress, because she’s the kind of person who deserves it and if you’re rude to her you’re basically scum.

Still, Wels invites Tommy to stay with him for a time, to learn the knight’s way. Tommy looks forward to learning to stab shit in a new way, and discarding all the useless manners.

Chivalry, Wels says, is defined by values such as bravery, courtesy, and politeness toward women-- though, Wels believes it is better to be polite toward all genders.

Tommy is polite to no one. He is, however, very brave, which Wels commends him on. Tommy’s a bit taken back; he hadn’t expected anyone to tell him that he’s  _ good _ at any of this knight stuff.

Wels bonks him with a stick every time he swears. Instead of learning not to swear, Tommy learns to anticipate the stick and dodge. Wels shows him how to build a nice medieval rooftop, and Tommy follows along dutifully, building the best dirt roof anyone has ever seen, in his not-so-humble opinion. Wels shows him the cordial way to fight. It’s not like how Tommy’s brothers fight. It’s not even like how False fights. Every time Tommy throws dirt in Wels’s eyes or ambushes him from behind, Wels complains that dirty fighting is rude and improper.

Tommy eats with the wrong fork every time just to piss Wels off, even if it makes eating harder. At the end of his stay, Wels laughs sheepishly, and says he hopes that Tommy learned  _ something. _ Tommy bows courteously, even though it leaves him vulnerable to attack, and properly thanks Wels for the tutelage in the exact phrasing that Wels taught him.

Then, of course, Tommy calls him a dickhead and runs away before he can be bonked with a stick, but it’s the thought that counts.

* * *

amanda-519 asked redorich: How does Techno get his name? I doubt his previous manager named him. Did the people watching him come up with his name? Or did they just call him "the piglin"? Did Phil name him? Did he name himself?

\---

His piglin name isn’t really translatable. His English name is Techno because he heard the word and decided he liked it. The manager gave him the last name Blade, because Techno in and of itself is not an intimidating, showy name. So technically, his name is Techno Blade. However, he prefers it all as one word.

* * *

anonymous asked redorich: hi about hermit!tommy, I was wondering if the hermits ever asked why he got exiled. lots of support and love -me :^)

\---

They see this wonderful young man and wonder, what happened? Why he was cast out of his own server and into theirs? Little by little, they pry his secrets out of tightly clenched hands.

“I’ve been exiled more than once,” he says, “but this time is the only reason I don’t know why.”

Oh, how that burns. How many places has Tommy been kicked out of? (The longer they get to know Tommy, the more they feel that at least some of the places he’s been kicked out of may have been for raucous behavior. Exile, though– that’s something different. Meaningful.)

Xisuma asks Tommy about it when they first meet, when Tommy doesn’t know where he is and doesn’t know that the man who built an entire cabin in the snow just to keep this stranger safe is the admin of the whole server.

“He could have killed me. He said he was my only friend, then he said he was never my friend, then he stabbed me. Why waste magic sending me off to wherever this place is? Why waste his breath on me?”

Ren helps him through a melancholy mood with smores and a guitar. In return, Tommy lets little crumbs of secrets fall from the corners of his mouth alongside the crumbs of his graham crackers.

“Dream attacked me. Then he spared my life, but exiled me even further.” Tommy snorts. “Double exiled.”

It hits Tommy, a full week after he and the other hermits trapped in their nightmares are freed. The moon is high in the sky, the fireplace is warm but not unbearably so, and he’s wrapped up in the quilt Cleo made for him, freshly washed. He’s on the cusp of sleep when all of the sudden, he shoots up in bed. The momentum causes him to fall off the bed, and tangled in his quilt as he is, he stays on the floor and stares at the fire.

“The dreamon tried to kill me, and Dream fought it back. _Holy shit._ ”

* * *

anonymous asked redorich: What was Phil's reaction to seeing Wilbur alive again? Also, did the Hermits ever hear Wilbur or Tommy or any of the L'manburg citizens singing the national anthem and if so what was their reaction?

\---

Wilbur spends some time having his own little isolated healing arc on the Dream SMP, but no one really knows where he is. Philza’s a little stung that Wilbur didn’t even come to see him before taking off for lands unknown, but he can’t blame his son– after all, Wilbur’s last living memory is of Philza murdering him.

They all know better than to sing the national anthem around Wilbur. Besides, it’s got some connotations. They don’t sing it often regardless.

Philza receives a letter, thoughtfully delivered by Dream. (It would be so easy to throw a little barb at Dream, thank him for actually delivering an invitation for once. He doesn’t, because that would be cruel and Dream doesn’t deserve it.) The letter invites him to visit Wilbur; enclosed are a set of coordinates.

Wilbur tells Philza that he’s the first person Wilbur invites. He’s missed his father. Philza missed his son.


	30. Braids

anonymous asked redorich: *look at Hermit!Tommy Au.* hmmm, needs more cute interactions. So hermit Tommy's been in exile a while, and probably hasnt had a proper haircut since before then, meaning his hairs getting pretty long. Cleo may have taught him to braid others hair, but who taught him how to put his hair up in proper buns and ponytails, instead if smashing it into his helmet. Is it Ren for his skills, X for his calm attitude, Bdubs/Stress getting parental, some unholy combo of the four? =)

\---

Cleo, through a deep sort of patience no one thought she had, least of all herself, manages to teach Tommy how to braid (and the meaning of friendship). So that’s great, he can put her thick locks into a simple three-strand braid for her when she demands it. Why does he need this?

Like most of the skills the hermits impart on Tommy, he makes a use for it. He and False spar often: she’s the only one who will fight him and mean it. She isn’t afraid to hurt him and she isn’t afraid to _get_ hurt. So when she hands him a cold water bottle unprompted, pulling a strand of hair out of her mouth, Tommy offers to braid it back for her.

It becomes their thing. Before every practice, he weaves her hair together in a utilitarian three-strand braid. Then it starts to become a bit more artful. A French braid would help hold back the hair that normally frames her face, so he does that for her. Then, he gets there a bit early and tries a fishtail braid. It takes way longer, but it’s really pretty. It gets tossed about and dishevelled when they fight, but that’s okay. Next time, he goes for a Dutch braid, then a double Dutch braid, then a four-strand braid, then a French braid which he tucks into a bun only because it’ll stay put better like that, and for no other reason. False doesn’t comment on the fact that he’s pulled all the strands on the left side of the braid, so that the bun looks like a flower.

Something different happens. Stress organizes a picnic, and Tommy and False are sparring when she delivers the invites. False asks Tommy if he’d be willing to do something to her hair for the picnic. Of course he agrees, and when he goes home he finds himself contemplating whether it’d be better to give her a waterfall braid, since she might want her hair down, or whether she might look nice with a braid crown with flowers woven in.

They get to the picnic the next day, and everyone comments on False’s beautiful hairdo. She refers them all to Tommy, who gets yelled at by Cleo for not telling her he’d gotten so good at doing hair. She then immediately sits down on the grass in front of him and demands that he do her hair next. It’s girly work, but it’s fun and who cares? Obviously the hermits don’t care if it’s “girly”, because after Cleo, Ren begs for a turn, then Stress, then Wels. Grian volunteers Mumbo for an impromptu hair styling, but Mumbo’s hair is too short, so Tommy just pulls it into two teensy little pigtails like antennae on either side of his head. Grian laughs himself sick.

Then Mumbo, with flushed cheeks but a smile on his face, mentions that Tommy should braid his own hair. Tommy’s never given the concept much thought before; he practices on his own hair when he wants to try something new, but it’s not even shoulder length so most of his complex ideas don’t really stick. Normally, he just throws it into a sloppy bun, and at least a third of his hair slips out of it and down the nape of his neck within the hour, but it’s out of his face, so good enough, right?

Cleo takes the time to actually brush his hair out, and False suggests different things based on what Tommy’s done to her hair. He ends up with a half-up, half-down thing, French braided on the top and pulled into a curly little bun. Tommy sees it, boasts that it makes him look like a movie star, and wears his hair like that for a month straight. He thinks of his oldest brother, Technoblade, and the way he pulls all his long hair over his shoulder for a utilitarian braid that swings and hits Wilbur so often it’s a game. He wonders what it would be like, to put his brother’s hair up for him. 

Tommy sticks to buns, because his hair, while longer than it’s ever been, is still relatively short. Sometimes, when he feels homesick, he makes tiny braids with blood-red beads in them, trailing down the blond canopy of whatever style he’s gone with that day. It reminds him of his brother, yes, but this is something new, something associated primarily with his new friends and the new memories he’s made with them.


End file.
